Lessons in Gratitude Day 349

I am cranky and overwhelmed this evening. This has been one of those days, no, this has been one of those periods when virtually nothing is easy or happens without struggle or drama. Somewhere in the midst of this tumult I manage each day to glean some lessons, find some meaning, discover some grace and beauty, uncover some nugget of truth and end the day on a note of gratitude. There are some days that are bad from start to finish. Today, fortunately, was not one of those. I spent my afternoon as I have most Wednesdays for over a year now: volunteering at the Berkeley Food Pantry. I am grateful for the Pantry. It has become almost a haven of sorts for me and on this Wednesday it saved the day from being a complete disaster (relatively speaking, of course.) Having my daughter there helping out over the past few weeks has made something I already enjoy and appreciate that much more enjoyable. I am grateful to her for her willingness to come with me each week, even when she hasn’t felt well or had other things she could have chosen to do.

So thank goodness for the afternoon at the pantry. It is something good in the middle of the day in the middle of the week. I am grateful to have spent another good Wednesday in the company of a terrific group of people. The end of the day, however, is proving to be a bit more challenging. The most recent frustration occurred about 30 minutes ago when my daughter’s car wouldn’t start AGAIN–for the third time in the past month. Nevertheless, I am determined to do something, take some small action, to redeem the last part of the day. Perhaps I will play my guitar, if I can work up the energy for it. This is in fact just the time when I really need to do it.

Several months ago I challenged my daughter to play her guitar every day for 21 days; I knew it would help her manage some of the stress she was under at school and give her a little mood boost each day. In a gesture of solidarity I offered to join her so that she could be motivated by knowing she wasn’t in it by herself. I played for 48 straight days–long after she’d stopped–and when I realized I’d missed a day and had to start back at day 1, I got right back on it and played for another 30 days or so. I can tell you there were nights I didn’t feel up to playing. But I had made a commitment to doing it, so I played, even if it was only one song and only for five minutes. Now I need to reissue the challenge to myself.

In response to yesterday’s blog about music, one of my friends wrote on my Facebook wall, “Sing!” and when I replied that I didn’t have the energy to, that I was too overwhelmed by the pressures of my life at the moment. He wrote back and said, “I understand. I do. Sing for yourself. Sing while you are folding laundry. Sing while you are washing dishes. Just sing . . . do a deer, a female deer, re a drop of golden sun . . . mi, fa, so, la, ti, do. Then do it again.” He’s right, of course. That’s what I remembered when I was in the car yesterday driving to work–sing. Sometimes at the top of your lungs past the lump of tears in your throat for all you’re worth. There’s no time like the present. I believe I’ll start tonight.

I look forward to better days, starting this evening and on into tomorrow and the day after that. In spite of the ongoing struggle, I will keep seeking and finding reasons to be grateful. As I’ve said many times, there is always something to be grateful for if you’re willing to look for it. The only thing lacking at times is my energy to express it. But even with that my stubbornness usually wins out over exhaustion and I figure out a way to say it. I just did. Now, off to play my guitar and sing…