Both of these are quotes by Martha Beck, a life coach, writer, and interesting human being. I first discovered Martha a few years ago when I purchased her book, “The Joy Diet” and now frequently read the articles she writes on Oprah.com. The first quote I read several months ago and found it interesting enough to write it on a yellow sticky not and stick it where I could see it while I’m writing. I blogged about it several weeks ago as I was contemplating how good it would be to laugh at my stressful, baffling, sometimes unpleasant situation. It was a worthy goal to be sure, and sometimes I accomplish it. I keep Martha’s quote where I can see it should I need a reminder to laugh or at least do the practice smiling exercise that is now part of my daily routine.
The second quote is just as powerful for me but in a different way. In a sense it gives me permission that I didn’t realize I needed, to let myself cry. Crying is one of those things I’ve tried to keep to a minimum–it’s okay to do it occasionally, but don’t let it become a regular thing. Having worked hard to keep depression at bay–some days more successfully than others–crying too much seems to drift into a gray area that feels too much like giving in to the blues. Very rarely do people offer encouragement, permission, to go ahead and acknowledge the stress of one’s current situation. And while it might be ideal or “important” to laugh at it, sometimes I just can’t manage it. If that’s the case, I allow myself the release of a good cry.
The other day I was speaking to one of my sisters on the phone. We were talking about my various life challenges and she was asking what she could do to help. I suddenly choked up with tears, right there on I-880. Interestingly it wasn’t talking about the challenges that generated the tears, it was her desire to help and that of another sibling who’d promised to come all the way out to California to get me if I needed a place to stay. By this time I had gotten off the highway and was sitting in the parking lot of the office building where I work part time. There I indulged myself in a brief bout of tears, which my sister endured with great patience and grace. “Everything’s going to be alright,” she gently assured me as I sniffled out the last of the tears. And I knew she was right, largely because I have the gift of siblings who love me and support me as best they can.
I am grateful for both laughter and tears. Both are two sides of the same coin, and while I confess that I’ve probably cried more than I’ve laughed over the last year, I am actively working on the laughter part. I’ll have my work cut out for me as the next few weeks are likely to be pretty stressful, but the more stress in the situation, as Martha says, “the more important it is to laugh at it.” I think I’ll add laughing on purpose to my daily regimen; after all, it’s a pretty short step from smiling on purpose to laughing. And physiologically speaking, my body doesn’t know the difference. It’ll release endorphins and other feel-good chemicals into my body just as if I were really laughing at something hilarious rather than “fake” laughing. So tonight before I go to sleep, I’m going to do something musical (I decided that it doesn’t always have to be playing my guitar as long as I’m singing, or playing my cedar flutes or even dancing around my room to some really good music.) And, I’m going to set aside a few minutes to laugh. And if I’m too stressed or sad to laugh, I’m going to allow myself a really good cry. It’s all good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ The second quote about letting yourself cry is from Martha’s blog post “Making Time for Nothing” and can be found on her website marthabeck.com.