What a journey this has been, these past 363 blogging days (wonder how long that is in dog days?) I am grateful to be half reclining in front of the fan blowing somewhat less than cool air across me as I write. For the most part I no longer write my blog from my bed–I’ve tried to sit at my desk most nights to write it. There are a number of reasons for this, not the least of which is that on some nights when I’m writing I’m so tired that I lean my head back against the wall and nod off. While it is also possible to nod off sitting in my desk chair at my desk (I know, I’ve done that as well), sitting on my comfy bed, leaning against my study pillow, legs stretched out in front of me and laptop balanced on my lap is sometimes just too relaxing and sleep inducing. I have refrained from using my computer while sitting on my bed; all of the popular literature on sleeping tells you not to go to bed with your electronics.
So I’ve made a conscientious effort in the past few months to leave my laptop at my desk. I do, however still spend a little too much time on my phone playing Words with Friends when I should be sleeping and I sometimes distract myself with my audiobook which, depending on the book, is also overly stimulating to my mind. Tonight, however, owing to the heat upstairs, I am sitting in front of the fan that is pointed at my bed. Tomorrow (if the heat breaks as they say it will, I will be back at my desk writing this blog.
I don’t know why I continue to be taken aback by the swift passage of time. I mark my days by certain routine events in my life. Wednesday is the day I volunteer at the Berkeley Food Pantry, and as it is also midweek my experience has been that before I know it it will be Saturday the way the days post Pantry plummet by. This has been a long, good day as Wednesdays often are, and no matter how tired I might be from a couple of hours of hauling bags of groceries and assisting Pantry clients, I almost always find myself grateful and satisfied with the work and the connection to the community. As odd as it sounds and as much as I want to be back working a “regular” day job, I will miss being able to spend those three and a half hours serving the community.
I am grateful as I often am at the close of the day for the unfolding and revealing that happens each day. I wake in a particular state of mind, heart and spirit each morning, often recording these feelings in my morning journal and over the course of the day I pass through myriad states of being. The close of day finds me at my computer mulling over the events of the day gleaning from it various nuggets of gratitude that I in turn write about and share with you. The next day I get up and start it all again. But even though that sounds routine–and I suppose in the strict sense of the word the writing practices I engage in as well as other practices over the course of the day are routine–what is not routine is the unfolding or perhaps it is my noticing and observing as well as participating in the unfolding. Because we cannot know what the next moment might hold, it is ripe with possibilities.
At any moment something could happen that could turn a day on its head–for good or ill. Sometimes in the midst of mundane routinism, something unexpectedly hilarious or touching or startling will happen that makes that moment completely unmundane and extraordinary. Having consciously and intentionally paid attention to the moments of beauty, of wonder, of life unfolding in all its richness each day for the past year has shifted something in me that I don’t have words for yet. It has taken me on a journey that I perhaps would not have undertaken if all the difficulties I experienced last year had not happened. Mind you, this has not been fun and games; the struggle to overcome grief and depression, anger and anxiety has at times felt epic. And I have no notion at the moment of where my path might take me next. What I do know is that focusing in on and expressing gratitude on a daily basis has enriched my life and kept me sane and standing strong. And though sometimes I still fall down, disappoint myself, act cranky and ill-tempered toward people I love, complain (the antithesis of gratitude) and do all other kinds of less-than-wonderful things, being grateful has made me a better human being overall. And as the old folks say, “wouldn’t take nothin’ for my journey.” Thank you for sharing it with me.
