Whew, another long, good day. I am starting this blog over an hour later than usual, which has happened the past few nights. While this is not a pattern I want to consistently repeat, it is what it is and I’ll make the best of it. I might not be terribly pithy or deep tonight, but I hope I’ll be excused.
It seemed like just yesterday I was lamenting that it was mid-June already, wondering what had happened to May. And now here it is mid-July. Alas, time waits for no one. I can’t decide if I think the supersonic fleeting of time is a good or bad thing, so I can’t quite be grateful for it, at least not yet! The one good thing I can say for sure is that with the rapid passage of time I am hurtling ever more quickly toward my “what’s next,” even though I still don’t quite know what my “what’s next” is just yet. One way or another, something is going to happen. I don’t mean to sound all cryptic about it and will reveal more over the next few weeks. But some changes are coming soon, it’s simply a matter of degrees–what’s going to change and by how much?
One change I know for sure is that my daughter, who will be starting her graduate school career in a few short weeks, will be living farther away from me than a one hour drive. For the first time in her life she’ll be living on her own, while I–at least at the moment–am no closer than a 14 hour drive or a two hour plane ride. This is definitely going to take some getting used to, for both of us. Of my two children, my daughter was the shy one; as a toddler and young child she rarely strayed far away from me, preferring to peer at the world from just behind my leg. There have been phases when we were relatively inseparable–largely because she wouldn’t let go of my leg–and then others when we struggled mightily to get along. The struggle mightily phase didn’t last overly long, fortunately for both of us, and our relationship has deepened as Michal has matured. When she returns next week from St. Louis where she’s spent the past few weeks with her father, she’ll be home only a few days before she and I take our road trip to Seattle, to her new school and her new life.
Life is full of transitions; and this appears to be a transitory time for my little family. Like me, my son is still seeking his “what’s next.” In the meantime, he’s likely to be moving as well, and though he’ll stay here in the Bay area, he won’t be living with me any longer. This too will require some adjustment on my part, but I’ve no doubt I’ll make the best of it I can. Then it’ll be just me and the dog. She at least seems relatively content to go with the flow in her in-the-moment, doglike way so I’m hopeful she’ll weather her next transition relatively well.
I find I am measuring these days with my kids as precious times I won’t have in this way for too much longer. It is of course one of the inevitabilities of life–kids grow up and move away, it’s what they do. Heck, it’s what I and all my siblings did. And now it is my turn to do as my mother had to do each time one of us left home: let go. I realize that I am swiftly approaching the time I knew was coming way back in 1996 when I wrote these words in a song called “Letting Go:”
I watch my children and I see how fast they grow. Each day brings me closer to the time I’ve gotta let ’em go. But until then I hug them and I bless them and I love them and I let them know That I’ll hold on tight and won’t let go. Cause people come in our lives and for a while they stay, But they’re not ours to keep, we let ’em go, we give them away. So we’ve gotta make the best we can of each and every day, Cause all too soon we know we’ll face another time of letting go. (Words and music by M. T. Chamblee, © 1996)Yep, time to let go. Oh perhaps not completely, but definitely lengthening the ties that bind. There’s a line from a James Taylor song that says, “The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time…” It seems to me that as long as it’s flying by so quickly, I might as well take the time to try to enjoy it, as fleeting as it is. I’m grateful for these days, as unsettled and uncertain as they are. After all, we really only have this moment until we have the next one, so we might as well enjoy it. As James goes on to say in the song, “The Secret O’ Life:” “But since we’re on our way down, we might as well enjoy the ride.” Sounds like good advice to me.
© M. T. Chamblee, 2012
