Lessons in Gratitude Day 370

I am grateful. It has been a tiring day–I have walked through a fairly busy mid-week, mid-July day and am mildly exhausted. It has been a happy day–after nearly a year my son has been able to regain something he’d lost that was important to him, that will significantly improve his life.  It has been an expensive day–I had to pay for costly but necessary repairs to my and my daughter’s cars. But overall it has been a good day. I enjoyed breakfast with my good friend Mary, had a nice long chat with my son, put in a few hours of hard, but very gratifying work at the pantry, and am enjoying a relatively quiet evening. I am grateful.

Lately I’ve been receiving many messages from the Universe about gratitude. Interestingly, I hear it a lot from people at the food pantry–people who for a variety of reasons need food aid, many of whom are homeless. Today I carried the bags of groceries out to the cars of a number of clients who were physically unable to lift and carry the heavy bags to their vehicles or the bus stop. This is part of my regular work at the pantry and often quite enjoyable. As we walk along, they often tell me things about their lives–their struggles and challenges, yes. But many also speak of gratitude, of being blessed, of thankfulness for their lives. I assisted an older woman today who, as we walked slowly along, explained to me that she’d had a stroke a number of years ago that left her weak on her right side. She explained that’s why she walked so slowly. I told her I thought she moved pretty well considering what she’d been through. “Oh yes, I’m blessed.” She responded, “I’m just grateful to be here. I’m glad to be alive and well!”

I can’t adequately describe to you what it means to me to work at the food pantry each week. It has never been about wanting to feel good about myself by doing good deeds out in the community; I first started volunteering at the pantry because I needed something, to lift myself out of what would have been deep depression at all that had befallen me in the first part of 2011. I needed to have a reason to get out of my house and do something that would take me out of myself while also doing good work. I didn’t expect that I would fall in love with the place–with the work, my fellow volunteers, the clients we serve each week. They are all familiar and welcome to me and I find that, no matter what else is going on in my life, I look forward to my Wednesdays at the pantry more than just about anything else in my week. The feeling for me is sort of like the theme from the old television show, “Cheers.” It’s about being someplace, “where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came.” I guess perhaps in that sense it is an ego thing for me. I love the work and I love the people and I know that when I walk in the door, people are as glad to see me as I am to see them.

Next week I am going for a job interview out of state, presenting the very real possibility that I will leave California and be unable (for the foreseeable future at least) to volunteer with the Wednesday crew at the Berkeley Food Pantry. I felt a little wistful about that today as I allowed myself to consider that possibility. The Wednesday crew have been supporters and cheerleaders for me as I’ve looked for work, asking regularly how things are going and offering suggestions and words of encouragement. The pantry has been a refuge of sorts for me as I’ve healed from the grief and loss of job, home, and significant relationship. I have become a more understanding, compassionate, and grateful person over the past year due in large part to the work I’ve done at the pantry. Wherever my “what’s next” takes me, if it’s away from my current home in the East Bay of Northern California, I hope I can find a place that does for me and I can do for others what being at the pantry has done for me. While I know I won’t be able to replicate it (how can I replicate my coworker Diane?) I can only hope to find the elements there that I have here. While it would be fabulous to find those qualities in the paid work I do for my next “job,” if I can find it for free doing volunteer work, I’ll take it and be exceedingly grateful.