Today has been a good day, but then it often is when I spend it with family. I am grateful for the opportunity I’ve been afforded this weekend to visit with two of my three sisters and their families. I continue to be so grateful for their constancy in my life. I generally only see my sisters or brothers once or twice per year–I am so appreciative when I can be in their physical presence. In the interim I enjoy our phone conversations or Skype video calls. It has provided for me a sense of connection, of knowing that I’m not alone with the trials and tumult of my current life. I have also been able to be there for my siblings when they hit bumps in their road–it’s nice to be able to offer comfort and support rather than always being the recipient of it.
So I am grateful for these few days of respite from the stresses of my daily life back in California. When I return I’ll have a lot to do, to think about, to decide. But that it not today and it’s not tomorrow. For the next couple of days I’m going to fully immerse myself in the experience where I am and not worry about anything that’s not immediately in front of me. My goal is to enjoy myself–even in the midst of my secret mission I’m undertaking on Monday–and come back home, take a deep breath and dive back in.
I have been in a lot of deep thought lately; it comes out in my journal writing in the morning, and sometimes here in this blog at night. When I first started writing my morning journal back in February I titled it “Writing My Way to Clarity.” I wrote it in the front of that journal and in the four successive journals that I’ve filled since then. And in a lot of ways I’ve been moving in that direction. The intentional focus on gratitude each day, the weekly engagement at the Berkeley Food Pantry, regular breakfast conversations with my friend Mary, mindfulness meditation sitting sessions, classes and daylong retreats, important interactions with my very helpful therapist, and the myriad ways I’ve “worked on myself” over the past year are leading me toward clearer vision and sense of purpose for my life. I’m not there yet, but I’m getting closer.
What are you grateful for today–this day, this hour, this moment? What gives you the greatest sense of joy, of wellbeing, of accomplishment? How do you celebrate? What kinds of questions do you ask yourself, and do you sit still and truly listen for the answers? How do you recharge your batteries? Do you recharge your batteries, or are you running on empty much of the time?
Sometimes there are many more questions than answers, but that’s no reason to stop asking them. I know that I am meant to do more than I am doing right now. I can fret about it (and believe me I have) or I can be as patient with myself as I can, taking sometimes painfully tiny steps forward (but forward nonetheless), and continue moving in the direction I think I want to go. Thoreau said, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Life the life you have imagined.” Sounds like good advice to me. I believe I’m going to go for it. In fact, let’s go together. What do you say?
