Today I talked on the phone with my best friend Pat for over two hours. It was like we were hanging out at her house “yick-yackin” as we used to say, and it hardly seemed like it was that long at all. I’ve known Pat since we were in college together in the late 70s and except for a brief year or two when we were out of touch, we’ve been in solid, regular contact for at least the past 20 years. There are few people in my life with whom I can be more fully myself than I can be with Pat and I am grateful beyond measure that she is part of my life. If there was ever a tonic for a weary soul it is to have a friend who fits you like the most comfortable item of clothing in your closet.
Today’s conversation started with her checking in with me to see how I’m doing with the job search, setting up my home, etc. We hadn’t spoken for several weeks, so there was a certain amount of updating and sharing and advice giving that flowed in both directions. When you’ve been friends as long as we have it’s not at all uncommon over the years for us to take turns needing and offering advice. Part of today’s lamentation was about the pangs of being mothers to sons and about the challenging process of letting them go ahead and grow up (a conversation I just had with my son earlier this morning.) Pat’s son is the same age is Jared, so we’ve compared note for many years on just about anything you can imagine. We’ve seen one another through divorces and break ups and marriages and new relationships and she’s seen me through the loss of both my parents. There is a steadfast, unwavering quality to our friendship that I treasure. And though we live several thousands of miles apart, it’s as comforting and familiar to me as if she lived right next door.
And as I sit here writing this I am wondering if I’ve ever really understood the nature of friendship like I am thinking about it now. Over the past months when I’ve suffered signifiicant losses in my life, I have been forced to slow down, stop and look at a lot of things. Because I no longer go to a job every day that often sapped my energy and am not in a relationship with a significant other, my attention and focus is clearer to see and appreciate more of what and who is around me. Perhaps because I’ve been reaching out more I am discovering a much deeper appreciation and love for the people in my life. I am continually uncovering the gift(s) that have been hidden in the series of unfortunate events that have taken place in my life. Friendships, like the one I have with Pat and other old friends, like those I enjoy with my siblings, and like the ones I am currently developing are priceless. I’m grateful to now be awake enough to realize it.
