Well we’ve reached another new hundred mark for the blog this evening. For 400 days in the midst of struggle and drama and wild rides on the mechanical bull of life I have managed each day to find something to be grateful for. Some days when I was particularly depressed or sad or angry, the exercise of making myself sit down and bring the force of will to the process of searching through the events of the day to uncover things for which I could express gratitude allowed me to redeem the day. There have been other days when all around me I experienced the good that’s in the world, I smiled and laughed at something, I marveled in the beauty of nature–everywhere I looked I saw reasons to be thankful to be alive. Gratitude has kept me firmly anchored in the positive, even on the toughest days.
I am tired, grateful to be at the end of a week with insufficient sleep. In spite of fatigue over the course of the week, it has been a relatively good one in terms of my time at work. I am grateful for the work I’m doing as a contract consultant with a nonprofit organization. It is not the full-time, benefited job I’ve been seeking for a while now, and it’s not at all the type of work I’ve done over the 25-plus years of my career. But it has offered me an opportunity to use my brain, to offer my skills in supporting the good work of others. For a long time I didn’t understand much of what I was doing–the industry is very different from the field where I’ve worked, and it has a completely different language than I’m accustomed to hearing and speaking. Nevertheless, I’ve slowly come to grasp little pieces of what I am doing and feel a little more competent than I did when I first started working with this organization six months ago. That has been a very good thing.
This has also been a long week spent waiting on some news that hasn’t come yet. It has been difficult at times this week to be in the waiting place, but at other times I’ve paid it little attention, preferring to focus on what was right in front of me in the moment rather than fretting about what I have or haven’t heard. “Time is too slow for those who wait…” And indeed it has been slow. But I’ve never noticed that fretting over anything ever made it better, so better not to fret, eh? So on we go to the weekend when I hope to get a little more sleep and a lot more accomplished. I still have way too much junk to get organized and not many weekends left (2) to get it together. Somehow or another I’ll get it all done.
One final bit of simple gratitude for this evening: my son got his car started. This is really good news as his car has not been operational for about a year. He is excited about getting it back up and running again for the freedom he will gain once it is. I am happy for him and grateful that his car is being restored to him and he can move on to other things he’s been hindered from doing for lack his own reliable transportation. Having a functioning car is a blessing I don’t take for granted, particularly as I’ve seen him and others without a car have to figure out how to get around to work and the store and myriad other places.
My apologies if my 400th blog is not my best writing. I’m hoping to rest up this weekend, and perhaps find some time for myself in the days ahead to give myself a little break from some of the stress of the last several months. I’ll have to see what I can come up with. In the meantime, I’ll continue to stay the course as best I can, anchored by grace and gratitude.
