Lessons in Gratitude Day 411

“Now I lay me down to sleep…” Yesterday I experienced a long, slow exhale. Some information I had been waiting for finally came in. I was up late last night pondering possibilities, thinking through plans and scenarios, plotting out strategies. This morning, I was awakened by the alarm for the first time in many days–usually I wake up anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes before the alarm, sometimes as early as 5:30 a.m., regardless of how late I went to sleep the night before. So to sleep until the alarm rings is a pretty big deal. I wasn’t jolted awake by the high intensity, adrenalized energy that often brings me abruptly out of sleep into mental activity minutes before my body actually grasps hold of being awake. I look forward to more nights of actual sleep and sigh in anticipation of days coming soon when I might actually awake refreshed and relaxed.

I so appreciate those times when I sleep deeply and well and awaken with a gentle sigh, unhurried and calm. I have spent many, many nights over the past 18 months when restful sleep was rare. In spite of expending significant effort each night focusing on the many blessings in my life, practicing meditation and relaxation, I still often have awakened anxious and fretful, having to calm my racing heart and quiet my overactive mind. I look at that practice like I would at weightlifting. Each time I calm myself is like lifting dumbbells, I get stronger each time I lift them until the exercise is less arduous and my muscles tone and firm. My self calming muscles have grown quite taut from all the practice–my biceps and abs should look so good!

Now I lay me down to sleep. How will I choose to spend the last few moments of wakefulness before I drop off into the silence of sleep? I’ve gotten much more intentional about giving my mind something positive to chew on. This is not always easy, particularly depending on how the day has gone, how much I look around me and see the work I have to get done, on what awaits me in the coming day or week. Still, I am working on this. On my bedside table I keep a number of items I read or look at regularly before I go to sleep and when I wake up. These include the Night Prayer, which I have shared periodically in this blog, and several phrases I repeat to myself during lovingkindness or other traditional meditations. I’ve even written a morning prayer that I periodically recite upon my waking.

I am grateful for the abilities I’ve developed in self-calming and soothing myself to sleep. I am looking forward to cultivating a life during my waking hours that mean I don’t have to work quite so hard to rest well. I’ve been working at it all along, it’s simply time to kick it up a notch. For tonight, I’m simply grateful for having slept more fully this morning. One day, one night at a time.