It has been a long day. And while I worked steadily all day, I had a few more breaks during the work than I’d expected when I wrote out my to-do list for the weekend and for today. I crossed fewer things off the list today than I had earlier in the weekend, so I am feeling decidedly under-accomplished at the moment. Nevertheless I am grateful for what I did manage to get done. At the moment I am simply grateful to be sitting down, winding down getting ready for sleep. I would like nothing more than to get myself ready for tomorrow morning and then crawl into bed, but I wanted to spend at least a few minutes thinking together with you about gratitude.
I am grateful this evening for all the many blessings in my life–those basic needs for shelter, food, relative good health and many things I have at one time or other in my life taken pretty much for granted. One thing that has been clear to me over the past 18 months is how fortunate I have been throughout much of my life in terms of having the means to meet the basic needs of myself and my family. The past 18 months of financial and emotional hardship has taught me a lot about myself, about what I’m made of, and what I can do without. I am reminded of the every day struggles that so many people have experienced routinely for much of their lives in this country. I know what it feels like to have financial struggles during which I haven’t been quite sure how I was going to eat in a given day. (Thank goodness that as a volunteer at the Berkeley Food Pantry, I periodically can bring some food home.)
I have learned a lot during this time, lessons that I will keep close to me even after my situation improves. I don’t want to forget the challenges I’ve faced and the challenges I see others around me facing. I want to keep my attention on finding ways to contribute to the benefit of others above and beyond what I’m doing at work. Suffering is a good teacher in terms of helping me learn to relate to others who are going through life difficulties. Having struggled myself gives me a deeper understanding and connection to others who are struggling and creates a deep compassion and empathy for my fellow human beings. And I want to take to heart and continue to spread and share lessons in gratitude, to share with readers how one navigates the vicissitudes of life from a place of gratefulness. This too has been a very important part of my life.
Each morning as I finish up writing my morning journal, I write well wishes, phrases of lovingkindness and compassion for myself and others. I include in these last lines each day the fervent desire that I learn to cultivate the four divine abodes that the Buddhists teach: lovingkindness (unlimited friendliness), compassion, joy and equanimity. If I can cultivate these qualities in the midst of challenging circumstances, I will move that much closer to being the human being I want to be: living in the moment, not rueful of the past or fearful of the future, but truly living in the here and now. Gratitude is part of that for me; it is another practice that I continue to work to cultivate in my daily life. I am grateful for all the lessons learned over these days, weeks, and months. While I would not have chosen to experience the various challenges I’ve faced, they have forged in me a person of strength, determination and compassion for the suffering of others. I still have a ways to go to develop and strengthen the gifts. I look forward to the journey ahead of me. Selah.
