I posted last night’s blog at about 11:57 p.m.–very nearly pumpkin time. I finally turned out the light at 1:30. I had to get up to turn off the big overhead light because I had packed my bedside lamp (which had been sitting on a box because I carried my bedside table downstairs with other furniture in advance of moving day. And suddenly, it was moving day, today that is. I had gone to sleep not knowing what time the movers were coming– the people arranging it had neglected to call and tell me, so I didn’t know until I woke this morning and checked my email that they were coming between 8 and 10 a.m. I won’t go into the full, longer story about how I woke this morning with a radical moving idea that meant I had to get over to my storage unit at 7 a.m. to rearrange and modify work I had spent two hours yesterday setting up.
The last several days I’ve been waking up at 5 a.m., no matter what time I go to bed. So it was a bit unpleasant to wake at 5 this morning having gone to bed at 1:30 last night. Perhaps my body is getting me ready for Eastern Standard Time, or perhaps I’ve had so much on my mind that it wakes me up whether I want to be awake or not. So as one might imagine, I am worn out. But, my house is now mostly empty, save for some furniture and household types of goods I will donate someplace tomorrow, some junk that needs to be hauled to the dump, and general garbage that I will put into our dumpster and ask someone to put out for me on next Wednesday. By next Wednesday I’ll be pulling into my sister’s driveway in Maryland. Thursday morning I will probably get up and drive over to the house I’ll be renting not too far away from her. I am excited, but can’t quite think about that just yet as I still have much work to complete here and then there’s the matter of the 2800 mile drive between now and then. Nevertheless, walking through my nearly vacant, very echoey condo brings home very clearly to me that I am down to my last hours in the state of California that has been my place of residence for seven years.
It is a very odd feeling. I continue to realize with a start all the people and things I will not have the opportunity to say a proper goodbye to. For instance, it has been a few months since I walked the mile and a half at Chavez Park. When I started working semi-regular hours in Oakland each week, my schedule no longer really permitted it. My walks at Chavez Park were a mainstay of my week and one of the things that helped me regain a sense of equilibrium and wellbeing in the first months after my series of unfortunate events in 2011. It is not likely in the few hours I have left in the Bay area that I can carve out enough time to walk the park or even sit in my favorite place and look out across the San Francisco Bay toward the Golden Gate.
I came out here seven years ago with a sense of excitement and hope for a happy life. I leave here with a number of emotions I haven’t really allowed myself to feel, particularly over the last couple of months as I began to realize that I would likely be leaving by late summer or early fall. I know there is some regret at things not having worked out as I’d hoped or expected, but also some deep gratitude for the friendships I’ve formed out here with people who will remain friends for the rest of my life. As I work through the days ahead and get myself situated in my “what’s next” in the greater Washington DC metropolitan area (I’ll actually be living in Maryland and working in Virginia), I’m sure I’ll find greater clarity in my emotions and thoughts about leaving and all that it means. (My therapist alerted me to the probability that the emotion will eventually hit as I finally exhale, not just from the drama of the move, but of the past 18 to 24 months of my life.)
I am grateful for this day and for the next 24 hours as I wrap up life in California and hit the road. I am looking forward to sleeping a little better in the days ahead. We shall see. I am conking out, nodding off at the keyboard, so I will close for tonight. My wireless will be iffy tomorrow, so I might end up writing my blog post on my phone–that should be interesting. Once I hit the road on Sunday, we anticipate driving anywhere from 10 to 12 hours per day. My guess is that my blog posts will be short and sweet. Grateful to have you along for the ride, though! Any time.
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