Thank goodness for Friday. It has felt like a really long week.. Generally I still set my alarm to wake me relatively early on the weekends, but tomorrow I just might turn everything off and wake up when I wake up. Generally this still ends up being relatively early–8 or 8:30 or so–but compared to 5:45 or 6 a.m. that’s downright decadent. It has been a challenging week in a variety of ways, but a good one nonetheless. I am exceedingly grateful to be at the end of it. Weekends can be tricky as well. It’s kind of like the time to exhale deeply and examine all the things you’ve been too busy during the week to think about. While things are for the most part humming along relatively well, I am still taking care of some leftovers from having moved from California. Some of these things are enough to keep me awake at night, if I let them. So the key is to not let them. Easier said than done, right?
I had many months when I woke early in the morning, heart pounding, limbs on fire, mind whirling with anxiety and fear. There were days when I wasn’t sure how my head remained attached to my shoulders the pressure was so intense. But I learned to be with it, to work through it, to over come it, to give in to it. I learned how to dance in the moment, taking whatever it brought. I don’t want to make myself sound wonderful, I was quite terrified sometimes, completely uncertain about how things were going to work out. Yet in the midst of all of that I kept telling myself that everything would be alright, that all would be well. And it wasn’t denial or a pollyanna view of the world; I really did at my core know that in spite of all the visual evidence to the contrary, everything would in fact be alright. If I could hold onto that in the midst of what I was going through back then, I can definitely count on that in my current circumstances which while not perfect are significantly better than they were before.
So when I see a friend struggling under the yoke of their own circumstances, I try to encourage them that all is and will be well. I know what she’s going through and I also know what she’s made of. Like me, she has a strong inner core that is steadfast and rock steady. Even in the midst of the storms blowing around her, that piece of her is calm and assured and clear in the knowledge that all shall be well. As I’ve prayed for her throughout this week it has been as much that she’ll remember what she’s made of as it’s been about asking God to ease her circumstances. I have to believe that the way through some of these slings and arrows of outrageous fortune it to tap into that stillness and operate from that place. Again, easier said than done; but what could be a better expenditure of energy than to expend it learning to cultivate the practice and quality of equanimity–of balance and calm in the midst of the madness.
I don’t claim to have all the answers. And I still get angry and sad, grief-stricken and depressed, and myriad other emotions. But their impact is much less and the duration of time I’m in one of those states is much shorter than it used to be. I am grateful for learning to trust and lean into that inner strength that seems to be present in a nearly inexhaustible supply. Tonight when I take my rest it will be with a prayer in my heart for my friend and what she’s going through, that she’ll tap into that deep pool of wisdom, resilience, and strength that I know is in her very DNA. And I’ll take a few minutes to draw on my own inner resources, calm and quiet my mind, and be grateful.
