It’s an odd thing being on the verge of a milestone. I published the first Lessons in Gratitude post on June 30, 2011, posting daily until I took a brief hiatus after 227 days. Then I picked it back up and have written these additional 272 days. While the purpose is not to congratulate myself for reaching various milestones, it is important nonetheless to acknowledge them. Tomorrow when I post my 500th blog (assuming all goes well in my world), it’ll likely be just another day. And while it’s cool to say I did something for 500 days, what’s more important is the impact that I hope these musings have had on people who happen to read them. I am grateful for everyone who has read this blog, whether you’ve been reading faithfully since the beginning or have only recently stumbled across it or you drop in periodically to see what’s happening. I write for us both: for me so that I continue to look for the blessings in my life every day, and for you in the event that something I write here inspires you toward expressing gratitude for the blessings in yours.
How long will I keep at it? I honestly don’t know. Periodically I hit a wall and I feel like I literally have nothing to say. I can always (not a word I use very often) find something I am grateful for; I need only to look around me and usually not very far to find something, often many somethings, that I am grateful for. At times I lose my words and fear that I won’t be capable of coherently expressing my point. That loss of verbal expression is alright, it has to be. I recognize it as a temporary condition that in time will pass. I do not “knock it out of the park” every night by any stretch of the imagination, but I show up ready to take a few swings at it. Sometimes showing up is as important as what happens once you’re there.
This is one of those evenings when the words are not flowing as easily as I’d like. I showed up, but my muse appears to have taken the night off. It’s sort of been that kind of day, and that’s alright. This has been a long, slow day. When I examine my to-do list, I note that I haven’t crossed anything of consequence off of it, yet I did manage to do some things today that weren’t on it. I suppose that perhaps means I broke even. What has been done has been done. What has not been done has not been done. Let it be… I can remember days not too long ago when by sheer act of will I made myself keep moving, keep working, keep taking action. I knew that if I sat down and gave in to what was bothering me, I wouldn’t get back up. I was able push through and knock major things of of some pretty sizable to do lists.
I have learned a lot about perseverance and overcoming my largest obstacle: my own self doubt. I’ve learned to keep breathing, be patient and gentle with myself, and stand strong in the midst of intense pressures. We are all capable of doing this–of finding our center, that core strength that I believe resides in each of us. For some of us we only learn about that strength when we face difficulties, and we sometimes get multiple opportunities to practice finding and enhancing that core. I’m grateful that when I’ve needed to draw on that strength, it was there, and while I can’t say with absolute certainty that I have an inexhaustible supply, I can say that it has always been there when I’ve called upon it.
Tomorrow is a new day filled with possibilities. Yes, there are things I’d like to accomplish, but will not consider it a failure on my part if I don’t cross multiple items off of my list. I will enjoy my last day off before beginning a new work week and be grateful for the time I spent with family. In the scheme of things, that’s all that matters anyway.
