Time for a few brief words about gratitude. I am grateful for family–my siblings, their partners and children, and for family of choice: dear friends who are enough like family that I’m claiming them as such. This evening after I’d gotten home from dinner at my sister Ruth’s house, I was reflecting on how my siblings have supported me through some really rough times. When I think about the various drama and trauma I went through a few years ago, I realize that the only way I was able to experience those life challenges and come through on the other side was because they cared for me. I simply would not have made it.
I realize that without their assistance and moral support I could easily have been homeless and struggling to take care of myself. “You were never in danger of being homeless,” I can almost hear my brother’s voice telling me this. More than once he mentioned that he would come get me if I needed him to, that we would figure out what to do with all my stuff and all the other things we’d have to deal with. But between him and my other four siblings, I wasn’t going to end up out on the street. I felt like I came to the edge of it a few times, but I prayed that my sisters and brothers would not let me fall, and they didn’t.
Even as I began to get myself settled into my new life in the East, when I’ve struggled, my sisters have taken care of me–each of the three in their own unique ways. And I am grateful beyond measure for each of them. Would that I had something I could offer each of my siblings to give back in small measure what they’ve done for me. Everyone should be so fortunate as to have people in their lives–family by blood and DNA or family of choice–who love and care for them and whom they love in return. It seems to me to be one of the essential human needs: to feel connection with other beings, human and otherwise.
Lately I’ve found myself missing my parents–even after nearly 18 years, sometimes I miss my mother as acutely as if it were just a year or two ago. And I can still hear my father’s voice in my head, the kind of raspy rumble I’d grown accustomed to as he got older. I see his face and hear his voice in the faces and voices of my two brothers and I continue to see traces of both my parents in the faces and mannerisms of my three sisters. I am so grateful to have each of them as part of my life. I don’t see them as often as I’d like, but always glad to see them when I can.
Finally, I am grateful for each of my children. They each are facing their own challenges and struggles, as well as their triumphs and victories. As much as I wish ease for each of them on their respective life journeys, I am nonetheless proud at how they are growing and maturing and finding their way. I speak to them on the phone pretty regularly, but I miss seeing each of them, holding their hands, touching their faces. I look forward to figuring out how to go see them sometime soon. In the meantime, I’ll keep sending them love and support as best I can.
I am grateful for the love and warmth of family. It is something I do not take for granted as I know many people who are estranged from their siblings and/ or children. I wish all good things for my siblings and their families and look forward to the day when I can connect with and support them as they’ve always supported me. May it be so!
