Lordy, I am tired. It has been a longish kind of day. When I wasn’t in a meeting I was on the phone. And even though my phone calls were quite enjoyable (I talked to my son for a VERY long time), I find that my mind wants quiet. I am shortly going to give it just that.
I am grateful tonight. Just plain grateful. Sometimes it takes me a while to process all that’s happening around me. And it feels like a lot is happening, but it’s just below the surface, kind of lost in the bustle of every day life. There’s a feeling of being on the verge of something, that a new thing is about to break forth. I don’t know what it is or where it’s coming from, but I can feel it coming nonetheless. It’s like the “ahhhhhh” just before the “choo” of a sneeze: the building up of energy, the anticipation of something about to happen before the big burst release of energy. That’s how I am feeling. It is an oddly comforting sensation and yet it is incredibly hard to describe.
I have learned to be patient with myself during these times and to savor the unknown. I’m not in any particular hurry to know what’s happening. The feeling of it is positive, so I’m not approaching this with some sense of dread. So I can relax and wait. I don’t mean to be particularly cryptic: one could wonder why I would even open this particular line of thought as it doesn’t come to a tidy conclusion as my blogs often (well, sometimes) do. It is where my mind is at the moment–a little tired, somewhat distracted, and aware that something cool is on the horizon just out of my line of sight.
I am going to sign off with a few simple gratitudes and offer apologies for my scatterbrainedness this evening. If this is your first time reading Lessons in Gratitude, you might think I’m a bit wacky, and I suppose I am. I hope you’ll keep reading or, even better, spin the wheel of the random number generator (I usually set it between 1 and 300) and pick the day that correspondes to number. You can read a few passages that way and see if you still think I’m a totally wacky scatterbrain. Regular readers know that periodically I hit writers block or exhaustion or other malady and struggle to express myself, but they will also tell you that sometimes I am insightful and brilliant (well, perhaps not brilliant…) The vast majority of the time–over 95 percent of the time–I am truly grateful.
Tonight I am grateful for very simple, basic things. I appreciate the taste and comfort of my morning coffee that I drink sitting up in my bed with my electric throw thrown across my shoulders warming me as I write my morning journal. I am grateful to be nested in my warm, safe, comfortable little house and for the freedom that comes from having no one to please or take care of except yourself and my four-legged friend. It can be lonely at times but also quite liberating. I am grateful for the food that’s in my cupboard and refrigerator, particularly given those few times in my life when I had very little food anywhere and no means by which to go get any. I’m grateful for living close to family, to be able to spend time with them, break bread with them, connecting with them on a wide variety of matters. I am grateful for a good job and excellent colleagues to work with; I’m proud to be associated with them.
It doesn’t matter how tired or distracted I am, I can always find things I am grateful to have as part of my life. Always isn’t a word I use very often (it’s right up there with “never”), but I am confident that I can always find something to be grateful for. That is a beautiful thing.
