Today has been a long day and I am exhausted. It’s a different kind of exhaustion than usual–instead of my usual work day and post workday commute, I spent today in intense conversation as part of a daylong conference session I co-led with a team of women from around the country. Having deep discussions around challenging issues on racial and social justice can be extremely tiring, particularly on limited sleep. I was up late last night preparing some opening remarks that each presenter was asked to make. So I spent some time reading, thinking and writing before finally turning out the light after midnight.
The work of trying to make the world a better, more loving, and accepting place in which all individuals feel respected, welcomed, value for who they are and what they bring to the table can be very difficult. We had about 60 participants in our day-long session: women who have seen and experienced firsthand the challenges that nonwhite people often face in the workplace as well as in their personal lives. We had good but fairly intense conversations about how to be in relationship with women from different racial/ethnic background and how to do the work for racial and social justice across the country. The conversations weren’t easy, but important.
I can’t always say that I’m grateful for the work that I do. I am grateful to be working, that’s for sure, but I am also aware of how taxing it can be to swim against the current doing work that can be undervalued and sometimes actively undermined. In spite of the issues and obstacles I know I am doing work that I have been–at least for the moment–called to do. Working toward making the world more just and equitable continues a family legacy that both of my parents worked toward in their unique ways. Others in my family fought against injustice in various forms; for some, even the simple act of succeeding against overwhelming odds was in itself a triumph. And so even while it’s important, it’s also draining at time.
I’m grateful to be walking the path I’m on right now. I’ve spent a fair amount of time as a warrior of sorts. I know I’m called to be doing this work and yet I find at times that I am tired and I look forward to putting away my implements of warfare and retiring to a life of peace. But that is not today. So tonight I’ll take my rest, grateful to have presented my session and can now be a participant in the rest of the conference. Tomorrow is another day full of possibilities. Tonight, I rest.
