Seven Hundred Days of Gratitude
This has been an interesting journey the nearly two year trek through the landscape of gratitude. For 700 days, 473 without a break, I have explored the various textures, sounds, shapes, sights, smells, flavors, gentle breezes of gratitude. In some ways I’ve come a long way, in others I’ve only just gotten started in this process of chronicling this epic journey of discovery. Like a scientist observing various species as I explore this world, I have witnessed, recognized, noted, catalogued, and preserved images of all the myriad blessings for which I have expressed my gratitude, appreciation, and thanks.
Like any journey, it has not always been easy; indeed my expedition into exploring gratitude began in the midst of loss, grief, and chaos, a storm of misfortune that blew through my life two and a half years ago. My blog writing, the decision to write each day about the things for which I am grateful, emerged almost as an instinctive reaction to all the pain I was in. I needed to write in some ways to make sense of what was happening to me, but also in recognition that if I were to retain my ability to function I would need to focus my energy and attention not on what I had lost, but on what I still had, what remained. You see, I wasn’t stripped naked. I didn’t lose my life or the lives of anyone close to me. I suffered from what I later lightheartedly referred to as my “series of unfortunate events,” but I was by no means completely devastated. Focusing my attention on all that was right and good and beautiful in my life kept me from descending into a long, deep (if understandable) depression.
I took on two other assignments to stabilize and empower myself during this time, each of which complemented my gratitude practice and in their unique ways also had a profound impact on my life over a period of 18 months. The first of these I actually began a few weeks before I started this gratitude blog: I decided to volunteer at the local food pantry, each distributing groceries to between 60 to 80 families each week. It was often hectic, sometimes frustrating (like those times when we ran out of various food items while we still have clients to serve), and a lot of lifting and bending and hauling bags of groceries to and fro. And it was one of the most wonderful experiences I’ve had. You can read many of my reflections about my time at the Berkeley Food Pantry by simply searching the word “pantry” in this blog. (Check out Day 77).
The second thing I began was to begin a meditation practice, visiting the East Bay Meditation Center in Oakland, CA. It was another one of those things when I was absolutely in the right place just when I needed to be there. I was not a faithful meditator at home–I was much more of a community meditator, preferring to gather each Thursday night with members of the sangha to meditate and hear teachings on various Buddhist principles and philosophies. On various weekends I participated in daylong retreats and took weekly classes covering many basic concepts of meditation practice, Buddhism, and related matters. Much of what I have learned and experienced since those days are woven into the fabric of the way I live my life. While I am by no means a disciple of the dharma and my meditation practice has been on hiatus for the past nine months since I left the Bay area, so much of the way I view my life experiences and interpret the world around me is informed by what I did manage to take in during that year I spent with the teachers and community of the meditation center.
To that trio of life-altering initiatives I added two other consistent practice: First, I started walking. During my period of unemployment I had a lot of time on my hands. Even when I spent hours researching job prospects, tweaking my resume, applying for various positions, managing my unemployment details, I still had a lot of time on my hands. I had gotten into a routine of driving my son 12 miles from our home to his job several days a week. His workplace happened to be a few blocks away from one of the most beautiful sights in the country: the San Francisco Bay, the Golden Gate and Oakland Bay bridges, Mount Tamalpais, all visible from the Cesar Chavez park at the Berkeley Marina. I walked about a mile and a half–three quarters of the way around–to the .75 mile marker, then I turned around and went back the way I came–the view of the bay was much better so I almost always doubled back so I could go past the water twice. Before I found contract work that severely cut into my walking time, I walked three of four times per week. It exercised my body and it fed and refreshed my soul.
Tranquil Bay
The other important addition to my life was my morning journal writing practice. I started “writing my way to clarity,” which is what I wrote in the front of my first journal, back at in mid-January 2012. After skipping some days here and there, I began writing daily on February 3 and have not looked back since. My latest journal book is Writing My Way to Clarity Book 10, which I began writing in on the 29th of March, 2013. The bookend practice of writing my morning journal–two pages each morning except on weekends when I write three or four–when I wake in the morning and closing out each day with this gratitude blog have indeed helped me find a lot of clarity about a lot of things. I have no idea what I will do with all these journals–I suspect one of my kids will have to deal with them after I’m gone. They are not a history of my life by any means, but they offer a glimpse into what the state of my heart has been over the year and a half that I’ve been writing it. This too has been a deeply meaningful and important daily practice.
As I examine things now from the wisdom of hindsight, I can see how much I have learned and grown in these 700 days. I have learned so much and continue to make new observations in my log book of gratitude. The most important thing that I hope comes from this little blog that is read so faithfully by a small handful of people, is inspiration for people to experience and express their gratitude for what they’re grateful for in their lives. Even if it is only a handful of people who even know this blog exists, if you express your gratitude a little more frequently or differently because you’ve read something thought-stimulating in this blog, then its purpose has been accomplished. I called these “lessons in gratitude” because that’s what this practice has provided for me–lessons about life, love, generosity, grief and loss, suffering and peace, contentment and joy, and so many other things. It simply doesn’t get any better than this.
I am grateful for 700 days of gratitude, of persistence, of laughter, tears, anger and frustration, wonder and awe. From silly things like squirrels and wild turkeys to deeply important things like the love of family and friends and deep connections to the things of the earth and to Spirit, I have expressed gratitude for so very many things. One of the few certainties I have in life is the awareness that no matter what is happening in and around my life, there is always something for me to be grateful about. So it is and so it shall continue to be. And when I finally stop writing this blog it wil not be about my not having anything to be grateful for (can you even imagine that?) It will simply be because I have lost the ability and drive to express the gratitude. It has always been there and my guess is that it always will be. And so it is.
