Lessons in Gratitude Day 757

I am grateful this evening for family traditions. During my time vacationing with family this week I was amazed that before each meal we held hands and said the same grace over our food as we did when I was a child. I was holding hands with my 23-year old niece and my sister Ruth, and sitting across the table from Ruth’s children, my sister Sandy and at the head of the table her husband Al led us all into grace:

Tonight I sat down for a quiet dinner with Ruth and her mother-in-law, who is visiting for the week. We said our “Divine Lover” grace before dinner. “Ma” has apparently made this grace part of her visit with the family. My great nephew Alexander no doubt also knows the prayer. Whenever we are all together as a family–some 30 or so people–we form a very large circle wherever we are assembled and say our grace. The last time my entire family was assembled was at my father’s funeral in September of 2010. Of course, he was with us only in spirit, but as we gathered together to eat, he was no doubt on all of our minds.

There is something oddly comforting to me about this family ritual. It seems as though lately things have changed in our family. We haven’t gathered as a full family–all six siblings and as many of our various children as we can bring together, calling them in from their busy lives–as often as we once did.  Perhaps it is unrealistic to expect that we would, but I miss it. No matter how old I get I always want to be together with my siblings and their families. While hanging out with any one of them is enjoyable, the magic of the multiplier effect deepens the experience: the stories are wilder and more colorful, embellished by details and perspectives that can only be added by someone who lived through it. All of the inside jokes and friendly board game competitions are so much richer when there are more folks around.

My mother was in many ways the glue that held us together as a family. By force of will sometimes she could get us together, particularly on holidays, and she loved traveling to see various ones of us from time to time. When she died some of the energy went out of us, and our gatherings, naturally, felt different. And after Dad died three years ago we have not gathered as a full group since his funeral. Those of us who do gather enjoy one another’s company and appreciate the times we get together. I enjoy interacting with my many nieces and nephews, asking them about their interests, listening to their ideas and opinions, and hoping that in some small ways I am connecting with this next generation of family. I would love to instill in them a love and appreciation for family ties, including the extended families of aunts and uncles and cousins.

There are few relationships that match the importance and depth of close ties with siblings and parents and extended family. Not everyone has such connections to their blood kin, and I am deeply grateful to feel closely connected to mine. I am not sure I have my mother’s force of will to gather all my siblings together in one place; I wish I did and could get us together for something other than a funeral. Perhaps I’ll begin working on something now and see how far I can get over the next few months. Meanwhile, I’m learning to enjoy my time with whatever configurations of family who choose to get together. If I can’t be with all the ones I love, I love the ones I’m with! The more often I can do that, the better.