What a difference a day makes. I am grateful for the light of day that brings with it each morning a gift of new possibilities. Yesterday I had a pretty tough day. There wasn’t anything particularly unusual about it except for the fact that I had a solid wall of meetings at work from 8:30 a.m. until 2 p.m., with no real breaks except for the two times I managed to escape to go to the bathroom. Right in the middle of the third meeting I reached a point during which my mind refused to absorb a single additional thought, idea, explanation or rationale. I’m sure the team of colleagues I was meeting with at the time thought I was having a meltdown of sorts, though I hope I didn’t seem too far gone.
It is on days like I had yesterday that I am oh so grateful for the incredible privilege I have as an administrator that I can virtually walk out of the office and go home for the day without having to punch a clock or ask for permission. It is an option I don’t exercise very often; but on those rare occasions like yesterday evening, I have to withdraw from all of the stimuli and give myself a time out, taking a mental and emotional break. This morning, though very little had changed in my actual circumstances, I felt better nonetheless. It goes back to the concept I’ve written about in past blogs. There is a passage in the bible that says that, “the compassions of God are new every morning.” For some reason this captured my attention, and sometimes I think about this notion with relief and gratitude. On days like I had yesterday when I am exhausted and out of sorts, I will often say to myself, “Tomorrow is a new day, with new possibilities and a whole new set of compassions–they are renewed every morning.”
Tonight as I began writing I knew my energy was flagging. I nodded off at several points, only to wake up and realize it was after 11 and I’d only written the first two paragraphs of this blog. I am looking forward to the weekend and to resting my mind and body: clearly I have been operating from energy deficit. I am grateful, nonetheless for being able to persist, persevere, and function in spite of the exhaustion and to experience today a much better, more engaged, positive and upbeat day. At the end of it I was just as tired as I was at the end of yesterday, but having had much better outcomes and interactions with folks today than I did yesterday. I still need to practice and exercise better self care and will take steps over the weekend to do so, but now I am paying better attention and will solicit others’ aid in making sure I follow through with it.
And now I will close and allow myself to officially go to sleep, resting my head on my pillow rather than continuing to nod off for large gaps of time with my laptop open on my lap. I am grateful for what I’ve learned throughout the course of this week about needing to take care of myself. I still have a ways to go to get better at it, but as they say, practice makes perfect.
