This evening as I returned home from an evening at my sister’s house I noticed something I hadn’t seen for the past several nights: the moon shining in a relatively clear sky. It had been cloudy, wet, and rainy for the past several days so the light from the first quarter moon was a welcome sight. Not only do I enjoy looking at the moon for its own sake, it also represents the promise of sunny weather tomorrow. Tonight I am grateful for simple things: the moon as it marches across the sky on an autumn evening, another productive Sunday in terms of my regular routine home projects, and overall a weekend in which I didn’t overexert myself and managed to get a little rest.
Tonight I decided to spin the wheel and landed on Day 3, written in July 2011 in which I made a significant decision: I had decided that I would remain in California–if I could manage it–until my daughter graduated from college in May of 2012. I hadn’t known then how great a challenge it would be for me to live out that commitment, but I managed it. I knew that in various ways my kids each needed for me to be there with them, close by at least, as they navigated some very taxing and complicated situations. In the 15 months I remained in California after I reached the decision to stay, I helped them manage legal difficulties, car accidents, and various dramas and traumas, as well as the day-t0-day hassles of working and going to school. All of this while I was looking for full-time work, both in the area as well as out of state. Though I’d made the commitment to stay, I still needed to earnestly seek opportunities wherever I could find them. As fate would have it, the “right” opportunity presented itself after I’d fulfilled my various obligations to each of my children. In short, I could move on.
I am grateful this evening to have both my morning journal and my blog as a chronicle of my life as it unfolded during some difficult days. I can go back and re-read about how I overcame obstacles, including those I erected myself, and stood strong in the face of challenges. I want to share my reflections from Day Three of this blog because of the lesson is has to teach about making a firm commitment to a particular action. I know I needed to reread it as a reminder to myself of the power of making a decision and committing to it. I have a few things I am muddling over in my mind that perhaps at some point I need to stop muddling over and decide so things can move forward. Enjoy this post from July 2011.
I am blessed to be surrounded by good people–friends and family–who love and support me no matter what’s going on. This weekend I am spending time with old friends who have opened their home and their lives up to me, providing me with a space to breathe, refresh, renew.
I woke this morning with an important awareness that I needed to make a firm commitment to something in my life about which I’d been waffling for many weeks. I made the decision that I am going to stay put in California (where I’ve lived for nearly six years) even though some of the main reasons that brought me here no longer exist. I realized that as long as I waffle about where I’m going to live, then I would also be waffly about what I am supposed to be doing here. Something had to be settled. I am committed to staying put and with that commitment I have the faith, the positive expectation that circumstances will arrange themselves so that I’ll be able to fulfill that commitment.
I like the quotation about commitment that has been attributed to both Goethe and to William H. Murray (if you google “Until one is committed”you’ll find it attributed to both.)
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy,the chance to draw back,always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.Before this morning, I lived the hesitancy, the chance to draw back and the inevitable ineffectiveness. Today, I have made a commitment. I am grateful for the dawning awareness that led me to make it. And with the declaration of that commitment I likewise have begun to take small steps in the direction that supports it. I fully expect providence will begin to move visibly in my favor. I am also glad that I’ve committed to thinking more deeply and writing about gratitude. It pushes me to put my attention and my intention on the positive even when I am not feeling so great.I had breakfast with my friend Mary this morning, telling her about my decision and benefiting from her wise perspective on the matter. Later I told my son Jared and he too added his wisdom to the mix. And I ended the day with my friends Nancy and Jacquie who did the same. One important thing I know for myself is that when I commit to something this important I need to invite others on this journey with me, both to hold me accountable and to hold my hand through the process. I am grateful to have the love, support and the witness.
