I know I have been more tired than I am tonight. I can’t say “Oh my god, I can’t remember when I was this tired,” because the truth is I can remember times I’ve been much more tired. So I’m not going to talk about it. It has been another long, mostly good day, beginning with the three-hour training session I co-led with four other colleagues. As tiring as it was, it was also fun. While it might sound odd that spending three hours talking about racism, sexism, heterosexism, and other isms could be fun, it is less about the content and more about the context. We engaged with people who for the most part were willing to learn, to explore ideas, to struggle together with concepts that were unfamiliar to some and painfully all too familiar to others. No matter how difficult the subject, if the “students” are openhearted, openminded and willing to learn, then even the more difficult subjects can be “fun” to work with. And the fact that I am co-leading with colleagues means we get to both teach and learn from one another–our unique knowledge and experience bases, our leadership styles and personalities, and our ways of creating and being in community with others.
I have been doing this work for a long time–“diversity” work in higher education for over 30 years. THIRTY YEARS. There have been times over the course of my career that I have absolutely wanted to head into the hills and become a shepherd. (Don’t laugh, one of these days I’m going to go raise sheep.) I am grateful that at those times–and yes, I still have them periodically–I have colleagues, comrades-in arms that are also doing this work, who can spell me, step in and take over so I can rest a minute. I haven’t always had such colleagues: I used to work primarily solo, a sometimes lone voice in a unit trying to roll the rock uphill and hope it didn’t roll back down and crush me. I am so grateful to have colleagues, kindred spirits, conversation partners, significant people around me from whom I can draw support and inspiration. It is another mark that for this moment in my life I am in the right place at the right time. I haven’t always been so convinced of this, but as I continue walking this path that I’m on, the more I am persuaded that my internal navigation system (INS) is working perfectly, the signal is strong and I’m rolling along with confidence.
We all have access to this INS, but at times the signal gets lost and we temporarily don’t know where to exit the Beltway. When we get our signal clear, sometimes we’ve gotten a bit off course and we have to take corrective measures to get back on track toward our destination. I’ve experienced a lot of mixed signals with my INS over the years, but I think I have the bugs mostly worked out of it, at least as regards my life purpose. I’m getting clearer about that all the time. A few other areas in my life still have a few kinks in them, but I’m getting a pretty good handle on what in part I am here to do. The details of how I walk that out are still being revealed to me; but for now I’m content to know that I’m headed in the right direction and will continue to watch all the cool things that are going to continue unfolding.
Gratitude continues to be a vital component in the way I walk through the world. When my life was haywire and clouded and shrouded in a fog of uncertainty, gratitude was a beacon that helped guide me along the way until clouds and mist gave way to clear sunshine. As long as I focused on the many blessings in my life, no matter how challenged I felt, I was able to find my way and keep myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually afloat. Navigating through life with a grateful heart has kept me strong and will continue to do so in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. And for that I remain quietly and deeply grateful.
