This week I rode Mephistopheles the mechanical bull. I’m not sure when I invented Mephisto, but he continues to be an apt metaphor for the kinds of twists and turns my life appears to take in a given moment. Or rather it is not so much the twists and turns of my life as much as it is the emotional reactions I have to what’s going on in the world around me. When I find myself in mental turmoil over what’s happening around me, I climb on to the bull, dig my legs into it’s side, grab the rope, raise my left hand and nod. The ride turns on and Mephisto spins in a circle, whips side to side, up, and down in wildly unpredictable ways. I hold on for dear life, sometimes lasting the full eight seconds required to score in a rodeo and other times I go flying, either rolling and landing neatly on my feet or slamming with a thud into a wall or onto the floor. Of course this is all metaphorical, right?
I got through these various wild rides the way I usually do: through simple appreciation of natural beauty, by immersing myself into music and singing or dancing, and of course by the daily expression of gratitude for the blessings in my life.
I’ve been writing this blog for over two years now. Two years of gratitude in one form or another. What have I learned from this experiment? I have learned that no matter how challenging life gets, it is still possible to smile and to find the good thing in any given day. I can safely say that I’ve had days in the past few years when I woke up feeling strained, stressed, and sad about my situation and have gone through the entire day and at night time concluding that the day had been completely awful start to finish. And yet, even in the midst of that kind of day, I found myself at the end of it seeking blessing, researching through the day to find something to be grateful for. And while I could not always make myself feel good at the end of a bad day, I could still point to at least one thing I could express gratitude for. Sometimes, almost inexplicably, I would manage to feel better, even at the end of an difficult day. That is the kind of resilience that comes from an inner wellspring of spirit. I cannot take credit for it, it is simply there.
I have been and am in the midst of some turbulent times, some of which are of my own making. Irrespective of the source, I must still navigate my way through these times with what I hope will be as much grace as possible. During these days, gratitude serves as an anchor when I am drifting, a buoy when I am sinking, a warm glow in the midst of cold darkness, and takes on a variety of forms that truly help me navigate life’s challenges. And while there are days when I wish I didn’t have to look so hard for something to be grateful for, or when I wished I was celebrating a truly momentous, wondrous occurrence that would make me wildly successful, happy, content, I am nonetheless grateful for the many small blessings that dot my life on a daily basis. And so I continue to offer gratitude each day and will continue to do so as best I can for as long as I can. And so it goes.
