This evening as I was leaving my sister’s house after my weekly dinner with her and her family, she bid me farewell with the suggestion that tonight I “spin the wheel” and share a previously posted blog rather than expending the time and energy to write a fresh one. I almost ignored this suggestion and started on a new post but then I looked at the clock, thought about an early morning meeting that I have tomorrow and decided that she was right. Today was one in which I seemed to get a late start to everything and didn’t finish anything, so if ever there was a good time to spin the wheel it’s on nights like this one. And it’s always a blessing to get a good one on the first “spin” of the random number generator. So please enjoy tonight’s posting from very early in the Lessons series from Day 32 on July 31, 2011.
Lately I’ve been receiving “messages”about generosity and gratitude–in a daily reading, in a line of a book or article I’m reading, in an e-mail. I’ve been thinking about both concepts a lot. My thoughts on gratitude are more “out there” largely because of this blog; but not so much my thoughts about generosity. I learned a lot about generosity from my parents when I was growing up–being generous with one’s time and energy, giving of one’s financial means, giving in whatever ways you were able. Throughout my life I have attempted to be giving and generous. That’s what was modeled for me and that’s how I’ve tried to live.
So it’s been challenging for me to have little to give in the way of finances to help others as I’ve been accustomed. There have been a few times when I’ve not been able to take care of things for my children that I’ve wanted to. In the midst of worry and concern about how to make ends meet, I’ve continued to do my best to stand strong and remain positive that something is going to turn in my favor. I’ve hung on to my faith, to the knowledge that in times past when I’ve come to the edge, something opens up from somewhere and I get what I need to make it through.
Such was the case at the end of this past week. Some serious deadlines were looming and I was not at all sure that I would be able to meet my responsibilities come the first of the month. While I have expended a lot of effort to keep calm and moving forward doing what I can where I can, some worries and fears began noisily making their way into my conscious mind. Rather than try to fight them off (which is ineffective anyway), I chose instead to acknowledge them aloud. “I know I have such and such due at the beginning of the month and at this moment I have no idea what I’m going to do about it. But somehow it’s gonna work out.” I then, as best I could, put the worry out of my mind and went on about my day, which was the day of the workshop I wrote about yesterday. Within 24 hours, from two completely different and unexpected sources I received support that will allow me to take care of the upcoming obligations and help me take care of some things my daughter needs as she heads back to college this month.
Two different angels listened to their hearts–I didn’t ask–and felt compelled to offer assistance, and a third whom I did ask is likely to help as well. These are not people with “deep pockets,” they too have their struggles. But with openhearted generosity, they chose to help me. I was overwhelmed with gratitude that I could scarcely put into words and I remain grateful to them for acting in response to a whispered prayer. I am learning now to receive graciously and gratefully. It has been part of my development on this recent journey to learn to ask for help and to receive it when it is offered, and rather than being uncomfortable or ashamed by it, know that it allows people to exercise their generosity–that it’s a gift to us both.
I have no idea what the weeks and months ahead will bring–I spend a lot more time in the present moment rather than regretting the past or worrying about the future. I do know this: I will continue to walk forward with as much patience, love, faith, and peace as I possibly can and trust that my own efforts coupled with the generosity of others and the grace of God will sustain me on this journey.
