Sometimes I stand still in the midst of a moment and take it in, savor it, experience it as fully as I can. Mostly these are very simple moments–like standing in my sister’s kitchen this evening as the family is lined up at the stove preparing to eat leftover Thanksgiving dinner. Anyone watching would have seen the sort of normal banter between people deciding between dark meat or white meat, wondering where the spoon was for the gravy, and asking if the cranberry sauce was on the table. I stood there, momentarily transfixed, simply grateful to be connected to and surrounded by loved ones. Across the country my son, who lives in Northern California, was probably at work. No turkey, no gravy, no family. I do not know how that affects him, but I felt sad for him even if he himself was not sad. It makes me grateful for those times when we are all together, as rare as they are, and yet still appreciative of the time I am able to spend with at least some of my loved ones.
From where I sit in my bedroom I can look across at photographs lining the bookshelves. Most are of my parents and my children and one of me and my sister on her wedding day. The most prominent of these is of my father as an old man looking into the camera and saluting. This picture has brought me great comfort over the past few years–I also have a copy of it framed and hanging in my office. It evokes in me different emotions depending on how I am feeling: one is a reminder that no matter how difficult things get, I should “soldier on,” tough it out, grit my teeth, and keep moving. The other is an acknowledgment that I did it, I accomplished an objective, did what I set out to do, I made it. “Well done!” that salute seems to say to me. At times when I’m feeling a little insecure, I can look across and see both my parents smiling from other framed photos on the shelf, the two of them reminding me that everything is going to be alright. Of course, they are not really there saying that, but it is reassuring to think that it is so or that they are somehow watching over me.
I am grateful to those faithful few who read this blog each day. Mostly they are family and friends as well as the occasional Facebook “friend” whom I’ve never met in person but who seems to get a lot out of reading it. Tonight someone said to me that they don’t know what to do when they don’t have my blog to read (as was the case last night when I was too tired and decided not to write.) When I reach the 1000th day sometime in mid-December, I am not sure what I will do. One of my sisters has indicated that 1,000 is a nice round number and I should stop then. I thought I might stop on December 31, which I did last year and then started back up again several months later. I am uncertain as to what I will do with myself if I stop writing at night. My bookend writing practice of journal in the morning and blog at night will be disrupted if I cease this blog (though I could return to my other blog, “Consider This,” which I began last January…) Still, I have couple more weeks to figure it out.
I am grateful as always to and for my family. They have loved my my whole life (well most of it anyway.) There is not a single day that goes by when I don’t think about one of my siblings or my children or my parents (of course, I do see their pictures every day.) And so I don’t take for granted those sweet, basic, every day moments of grace that I experience simply from being in their presence, laughing with them at something silly, talking over serious life issues, working together on something in the kitchen, reviewing their house renovation plans and myriad other connections made over the course of weeks, months, years, lifetimes. My family remains the greatest single treasure in my life. In 1001 days of gratitude past or 10,000 days into the future I could not be more grateful to have these human beings in my life. So it is, and so it ever shall be. Amen.
