Lessons in Gratitude Day 144

Several weeks ago I learned about a daylong retreat being held at the East Bay Meditation Center where I’ve been learning about and practicing mindfulness meditation since late summer. It was titled “Are You Stressed by Job and/or Home Loss,” and was to take place on November 20. I remember at the time reading the description of the workshop and thinking, “Hmmm, that could be interesting.” But, I wasn’t immediately enthusiastic about it. Nevertheless, I put it on my calendar. So when I realized yesterday that the retreat was today, I began balking at going. As I wrote yesterday, I spent much of yesterday in an exhausted stupor of sorts–having taken Michal to the airport early in the morning, sleeping in and never really getting myself in gear the whole day. So I had pretty much decided to write off going to the retreat. I was tired and in a bit of a funk. I even turned off the alarm that would have awakened me in a timely enough way to get up, have breakfast and go.

As fate would have it, I woke this morning at the same time as I’d set the alarm for. I battled with myself as  woke up, read a few e-mails on my phone, dragged my feet as I took a shower. I finally asked myself why I was resisting, what the problem was and told myself to get my act together grab my notebook and some necessary items and head out the door for the retreat. I am understating my degree of cranky resistance at going. Perhaps I was in a funk and didn’t want to feel better (the fact that much of the funk had to do with being stressed by job loss didn’t enter into my head.) Perhaps it was because I was feeling a bit introverted and not wanting to be in small group discussions and activities with strangers. And besides, I hadn’t had breakfast (I hadn’t gotten up in time to make any…)

I’m grateful this evening for overcoming resistance and taking action. I was tired and crabby and running late when I drove over to Oakland this morning. And even worse than cranky, I felt weepy–who the heck wants to burst into tears (or even sniffle a little) in the presence of strangers? (Not my favorite thing to do under any circumstances.) Nevertheless, I got myself there and resolved to make the absolute best of the situation. Even when I am cranky once I have made the decision to do something I try to put my whole heart into it.

Within the first hour my mood had lightened completely and I was able to relax and have a totally wonderful retreat experience. We learned a lot of tools and strategies for dealing with stress–including “laughter yoga,” (also see American School of Laughter Yoga) which is so silly and fun that you can’t possibly stay crabby when you practice it. We also did more “serious” work like lovingkindness meditation, walking meditation, Qigong, and special breathing techniques. And while I did participate in a small group discussion, it was quite enjoyable. The participants were nice people (there were about 30 of us) and the two retreat leaders were funny and kind and very approachable. I might have dragged myself in there this morning, but I left this afternoon feeling energized and hopeful–hopeful that in applying some of the tools I learned today I can remain positive in continue to persevere in the job search.

I am grateful that I once again have pushed myself past my resistances and objections to do something that turned out to be quite beneficial. It’s all part of the growth I’ve experienced as I’ve intentionally set out to make positive changes in my life from challenges that have come my way this year. We’re rapidly coming to the beginning of a new year. I’m looking forward to a positive ending to 2011 and an excited and inspired beginning to 2012. I am grateful for the change in perspective today that moved from funk to faith that everything really is going to be alright.