I have been learning about compassion–formal learning, as in studying the concept of compassion as taught by Buddhist teachers. Of course I have been learning about it, thinking intentionally about it for a long time. I have been living compassion more fully over this year, though I like to believe that I have been a compassionate person and held loving concern for my fellow beings for most of my life. One dictionary defines compassion as, “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others,” and compassionate as, “feeling or showing sympathy and concern for others” I am not sure about the pity part, but certainly concern about and wanting to help alleviate the suffering of others rings true for me.
I am grateful for the compassion that others have shown toward me throughout my life, and more recently in particular. It’s been interesting being on the receiving end of compassion and kindness. As one who has fancied herself a caring and giving person, it’s been different being seen as one who is suffering and in need of support. I often do not use the word suffering to describe what I’ve experienced, partly because my misfortunes are so less dramatic and traumatic as others face on a daily basis. But I don’t think I would have understood as much about compassion had I not found myself in the challenging circumstances of the past several months.
Now, I did not sit down at the beginning of 2011 and say, “I want to learn more about compassion in part through experiencing grief, loss, and ‘suffering.'” I did not plan to have the proverbial rug (several rugs actually) pulled out from under me so that I could become a more sympathetic, empathetic human being. And, I’m not saying, “Okay good, lesson learned, now it’s time to recover what I “lost”–a significant relationship, home, job, etc.” I’m also not saying that I want to deepen my understanding of compassion by experiencing more hardships and suffering. I guess what I am saying is that when we face misfortune of any kind–from small, relatively insignificant annoyances to excruciatingly painful, life-altering difficulties, we have choices about how we approach them from a mental, emotional, and spiritual perspective.
My hope for myself is that I can face life’s inevitable challenges with as much grace, equanimity, and nonresistance as possible. Don’t get me wrong, I still find myself annoyed by bad drivers, rude people, potholes, shopping carts with bad wheels, etc. And depending on my mood when I encounter them I can get downright cranky and ill-tempered. And when I receive news about the latest job I didn’t get or application that was rejected, I still fall into a hopeless, helpless, “why me” pity party. But the duration of the party is much shorter and my irritation with all those small annoyances vanishes more quickly.
Suffering happens to us all. It has provided me with an opportunity to allow myself to be cracked open and vulnerable, to learn compassion for myself and others. I have struggled, but I have exercised the muscle of perseverance, sticking with it, hanging in there whether I’ve understood what was happening or not. I’ve mostly shifted from “Why is this happening to me?” to “Why is this happening to me? Really. What is the lesson in this?” Again lest I portray myself as this totally deep, wise being, I want to be clear that the unenlightened me sometimes wants to answer, “The lesson is that sometimes life just stinks.” The partially enlightened me sometimes says, “I give up, what is the lesson in this? ‘Cause I’m not getting it.” The more enlightened me knows that giving up can be a very good thing, letting go of struggle and resistance and just being present with what’s happening. This is the one who also knows that recognizing the suffering in me connects me intimately with the suffering of others and deepens my compassion for others.
I am learning; I am developing grace and equanimity. It’s taking time, but I’m getting it. While I am a bit reluctant to say I am grateful for the suffering and challenges I’ve faced throughout much of 2011, I am at least willing to say that I’m grateful for the learning that’s come from them. And while I would like for a few things to shift and have life get easier for me sooner rather than later, I will continue to approach my days with a sense of gratitude and compassion.
© M. T. Chamblee, 2011
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