This has been a really good day. I woke early and spent some time in prayer, meditation, and writing a little bit. I spent some time with friends at breakfast and a little later in the day. I found myself talking more about what I want to be doing with my life at this time. I am talking and writing my way into the understanding and clarity I was asking for a few months ago. I don’t have definitive answers–and in fact am coming to understand that I’m probably not going to have the answer ringing my doorbell like the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Prize Patrol. The clarity I am and have been seeking has felt elusive at times, but it feels like it’s coming closer, into focus. I am grateful for this, I truly am.
Nearly seven months ago I started writing about gratitude. It wasn’t that I had just discovered the concept, I’d kept a gratitude journal for a while and have long considered myself an essentially grateful individual. But the intentionality of focusing on what I am grateful for, particularly during a time of such difficulty in my life, has really allowed me to zero in on so many important things in my life and it is transforming the way I look at and walk through the world. I know, that sounds a little dramatic, doesn’t it. But, it’s true. My level of appreciation for so many aspects of life has increased over the time I’ve been writing this blog. I am thinking more clearly and beginning to take more intentional steps in the directions I’ve wanted to take for much of my life but was afraid to do it. I am not there yet, and there are many things that must fall into place and doors I need to open as I move forward, but I believe it’s coming.
I use a particular metaphor with some of my coaching clients. (Interestingly I seem to attract people who are looking for new directions in what they’re doing with their lives, they’re looking for that place where their passions and purpose and talents align and they find their calling.) Here is what I tell them: You say you need doors to open in your life so that you can find more fulfilling work, develop closer relationships, live the life you’ve imagined, etc. The doors you’re talking about are like the automatic doors at the airport or the grocery store or the hospital–they only open when you walk toward them. You can’t stand across the street from the airport and yell for the door to open; that only happens when you take intentional steps and get close enough to it. I’ve been standing across the street from some of the doors I’ve wanted to open for me. Fear kept me stuck, afraid that maybe if I walked toward it it wouldn’t open and I would knock myself senseless smashing into it. But something interesting happened to me as I stood there: my life as it was shattered around me without my making a single move. So standing still doesn’t really get us anywhere either. Better to take the chance and walk toward the door. If it’s not the right one, it won’t open; but at least you’ll know and won’t waste another moment standing there looking at it.
I am grateful that I am shaking the dust off that has settled on me from years of standing in hesitation and fear. I am taking steps toward the door. My sense of excitement and anticipation is building. I realize I am still going to have moments, perhaps many moments, during which I still have fears and doubts, but I also expect to experience moments of pure joy, freedom, and grace. Won’t you take this ride with me? Hmmmm?
