This has been an odd sort of day. It began early in the morning when the calling and gobbling of the turkeys were louder than the white noise of my fan that runs most nights. It started out pretty well–I got a number of household chores completed fairly early in the morning. But then the day just sort of got away from me and I found myself dragging a little bit. I realized that I was unmistakably and inexplicably cranky. The weather outside was cold, windy and very rainy. I was relieved that it wasn’t raining when I took Jared to work, but it’s guaranteed to be raining hard when I go back this evening. And then I made the big mistake of watching the “big” game on television. Even though I managed to get a few things done and didn’t spend all afternoon watching it, I spent way longer watching than I should have only to have it end with “my” team losing. Ah well, Mama said there’ll be days like this. Where’s Mama when I need her?
So on dreary, rainy, low energy days, where is gratitude? It is where is always is, in my heart and spirit and when I put my attention on it, it comes to my mind and ultimately ends up here in this blog. Over the course of the past several months I’ve had days when I’ve struggled to be positive. The gift of having started this blog–this intentional focus on what I am grateful for–is that it causes me to look for, find, and report on the blessings that are part of my daily existence whether I feel upbeat or not. I am grateful for the structure of this blog provides for me–no matter how cranky, depressed, or distracted, knowing that each day I’ve committed to writing about gratitude in a sense forces me to search through the various elements of my day to find those things that I am grateful for each day. Even on days when it would seem that I have little to celebrate, it rarely takes more than a few minutes before I have identified at least one thing (usually many things) that I am grateful for in that day. That is truly a gift that keeps on giving. And there is evidence to suggest that the more we experience and express gratitude, the more there is to be grateful for.
I am grateful that the days I am blue are fewer and the amount of time I am blue in a given day is shorter. It has taken a lot of energy and hard work to overcome depression and while I still have some rough days I am committed to keep working on it. Yep, Mama said there’ll be days like this. I’m grateful to have ways to deal with them. May I and wel all be free from suffering and the root of suffering. So be it!
