Today I had the blues. It hurts to admit that after having such a stupendous day yesterday, but that’s sort of how this goes, that is how my life plays out sometimes. And, that’s alright. It has to be. I am grateful for every day that I draw breath and walk on the planet. Sometimes I’m going to feel good, sometimes I’m going to have the blues. Heck, sometimes I might even have the blues for two days in a row or feel good for a whole week. And, it’s all okay. This morning when the liquid anxiety coursed through me as I did yesterday, I sat up and wrote in my journal. Unlike yesterday when I wrote I did not feel immediately better and go on to have a phenomenal day. I was sluggish and tired and cranky and weepy at times, and yet here I am at the end of the day focusing on gratitude and the good things in my life. The practice and process of being grateful doesn’t have to be difficult or dramatic or even particularly deep. It simply begins where you are in a given moment.
For me, throughout the day I look around me at the many good things, the blessings that surround me and say thank you. Thank who? That actually depends in part on what you believe. I suppose if I believed that I earned every single good thing in my life I would be grateful to myself. But that sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn’t it? Where does the strength come from that gets me out of bed in the morning, particularly on a day like this? What gives me the ability to smile and laugh and experience the full range of emotions that flow through me over the course of a single day? How is it that this incredibly complex collection of cells that we call our bodies functions as it does on a moment-by-moment basis? I can’t take credit for these or so many other blessings that are in my life. So, I thank God. I can’t help it, it’s just there.
So on a day like today when I can’t seem to get my act together and feel low energy and fighting off the blues, I still have so much to be grateful for. When I get “stuck” on trying to figure out what I have to be grateful for (sitting watching the cursor blinking on my nifty laptop computer, powered by electricity that I don’t generate by myself), I need only quiet myself and focus on my breath, the beating of my heart, the blood coursing through my veins, my ability to see the screen and reason the meaning of the words I am typing. As I’m waiting for my muse to show up to inspire me to write about something I’m grateful for I can relax on my soft bed, the humming sound of the heater blowing warm air down on me, listening to quiet music in the background. Perhaps I can trot downstairs and open the fridge and get myself a snack or can jump in my car and drive over to the grocery store and pick something up. I am grateful for all the things I don’t even realize that I take for granted.
I often used to end days like today just being grateful that the day was over. I am grateful to be at the close of the day and end it knowing that it could’ve been better and it could have been a whole lot worse. I will wake tomorrow morning with a renewed sense of the possibilities the day holds. I will once again draw upon the wellspring of energy that replaces itself each day; it must or I wouldn’t get out of bed in the morning. One writer says that “the mercies of God are without end; they are new every morning.” Thank goodness! May we all experience gratitude for the many good things in our lives, and even the challenges that come along for the experiences they provide and the lessons they teach. May we all be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. So be it!
