Lessons in Gratitude Day 227

Thank God for music. I think there are very few things that put me in a place of pure emotion more than listening to (and often singing at the top of my lungs) music. Early evening found me in an extremely agitated state. Part anger, anxiety, worry, and other emotions I can’t name surged through me. I had earlier put on some music to keep me company while I cooked dinner, so was already in singing mode. Then when an emotionally upsetting incident occurred, I decided to plunge myself into the singing as a means of releasing myself. I put on an iPod playlist I called, “Smooth Sounds,” and from the first notes of the first song I was able to begin letting out emotions I hadn’t realized I was feeling. Some of those emotions had nothing really to do with what had upset me, but the evocative songs in that list allowed grief and sadness to come up and out of me as I poured myself out through the lyrics and music.

I am so grateful for the music that fills my life. I realized last week how much I love to dance as I put on an uptempo playlist and danced around my bedroom. There the music allowed me to release the dance that had been locked up in me and got my body moving to rhythms I hadn’t whirled into in many, many months. This evening it was singing powerful, slow ballads from a wide variety of artists and musical styles, that put me in touch with love, heartbreak, loneliness, and grief. It allowed me to experience the storm and the calm afterward, and now, though I am exhausted, my heart is quiet and still.

When I sing as I did this evening, it reminds me of my own music, my love of singing, and the power that flows into and through me when I am sharing a piece of music with others or even by myself. I wonder where if anywhere is the place for my music in my “what’s next.” Is there a place in my “life purpose” for the songs I have written, and are there more songs in my heart that are yet to be written? At this moment, as has been my situation of late, I don’t know the answer. I do know that just when I think there is no venue, no space or place for my music, something happens that changes my mind and won’t allow me to let go of offering the gift of music, even if only to myself. My future is still a nebulous thing, fuzzy and unclear, shrouded in mystery, the deep unknown (okay, perhaps that’s a bit dramatic.) But wherever I go and whatever I end up doing, I will carry my music (and the means of making it) with me. One never knows what could happen.

I am grateful for the reminder of the importance of music in my life. The reminder itself was a bit painful, but the music was the salve my restless spirit needed. Last week the dancing, this week the singing. Music is a wonderful gift. I look forward to engaging more with musical expression in the days to come. Perhaps it is time for me to restart my daily guitar playing, as well as playing more music at home and in my car. Life has been a bit quiet of late. It’s time to turn up the volume a bit. Let it be so!