Today has been a slow, lazy, nice kind of day. It’s been rainy and somewhat dreary today–perfect sleeping weather and though I rose early to write this morning, I was able to drowse later in the day, nodding off a few times with my computer on my lap. (I don’t recommend this.) I daresay I’ve needed the rest, but now a wee bit of guilt has crept in about what I didn’t get done today. I’m sure if I wait long enough it will pass–the guilt I mean. I will add it to my to-do-list for tomorrow and hope I manage to get a little bit of it done. I am grateful nonetheless for the relatively leisurely pace of the day.
My daughter is home visiting for her spring break this week. This morning we went grocery shopping. The larder had been pretty empty, and I figured we’d go together and plan our meals and shop accordingly. To my surprise, at the checkout she pulled out her card and paid for the groceries. This was an unexpected and much appreciated gesture on her part and provides me with two opportunities gratitude: first for her generosity in picking up the tab for the groceries and second for my being able to receive the gift of her generosity with relative grace. Receiving hasn’t been particularly easy for me; neither has its near cousin called “asking for help.” I had not been very practiced at either, so to be able to express my appreciation without embarrassment or guilt shows some growth in this area.
Being on the receiving end of such care from my children has taken some getting used to. My son, who has contributed financially to keeping a roof over our heads during my time of unemployment, said to me one time “Mom, you’ve taken care of me my whole life. Now it’s time for me to take care of you.” Today my daughter said something about taking care of me as I get older. Of course from my perspective I am still a bit young to be taken care of by my children; though I must confess there are times when I find the idea quite appealing. Both of them still need to launch into their own lives and do all the cool things that twenty-somethings need to do to establish themselves, then they can talk about taking care of their mother. Meanwhile I have some plans to return to a position where I am once again wholly taking care of myself. In the meantime, I will continue to practice gratitude in receiving the support they offer from time to time, as Michal did today with the groceries. (She also fixed dinner this evening which was completely lovely.)
I am grateful for and proud of who my children are growing up to be. While each is very different from the other, they both share some very fine qualities that make them pretty special human beings. I see similar qualities in my nieces and nephews as they too reflect the values, upbringing, and “home training” instilled in them by my siblings. While we are all far from perfect and definitely have not parented perfectly, we can look across the spectrum of the next generation of young people and feel pretty good about the future of the family. Reviving all my genealogical research over the past days in particular has me looking back in time and into the future as I think about who “my people” were, where they cam from, what they endured, and how what I learn about them informs what I am seeing in my children and my siblings and their children. It’s all quite fascinating. I am grateful as I have often said, for my family. And the more I study the wider family with all their foibles and secrets, successes and failures, the better I understand about myself. I look forward to what I uncover in the days and months ahead.
© M. T. Chamblee, 2012
