Lessons in Gratitude Day 260

It has been a good week. My daughter has been visiting here on spring break from school where she is in the last six weeks before she graduates. These last four years, like the many preceding them have flown by, and this once terribly shy, sweet little girl is a poised, confident young woman about to take the next steps into adulthood. She’s moving away from “home” and heading off to graduate school in pursuit of her “what’s next.” I am grateful to have been able to spend this week with her because the way time is hurtling past, before I know it I’ll be wiping my eyes at her commencement ceremony in May. I’m reminded of a commercial slogan many years ago, “You’ve come a long way, baby.” And that’s certainly true of Michal.

I’ve been thinking a bit about the transition that she and I will make when she heads off to school. For the first time we will be separated by a significant distance that’ll be too far for me to drive to. I’d like to pretend that it’ll be a big adjustment for her, but the truth is it’ll affect me just as much or more. It is the protective parent in me that will have a hard time letting go (see the part in yesterday’s blog about letting go of my children) and not being close by to react, to help, to be there if she needs something. As a parent I knew this day was coming, but it has sort of snuck up on me. The memories are still fresh for me of watching her get on the bus for her first day of school, then jumping into my car so I could zoom over to the school to videotape her getting off of the bus and lining up with the other kindergartners. Now in a few short weeks I’ll be videotaping her walking across the stage getting her bachelors degree. This will be a surreal experience. Another one.

I have a young friend who recently gave birth to a baby girl. She lives out of state, so I watched her chronicle her experiences of pregnancy and childbirth through social media (Facebook and blog.) I wanted to say something to her about what it’s like having a daughter, how it affects the way you feel about so many things. But I found I couldn’t really articulate it to her and I am not doing much better with that now. There was the me before I had kids and the me afterward and very few people who know the before and after fully know the impact that being a mother has had on my life. In some ways, I’m sure my story is no different than that of a lot of other parents. But it is my story and I’m grateful that I helped two incredible beings incarnate on the planet at this time. The world is richer and I am richer for having my two kids in it.

I have been doing a bit of genealogy work lately and am excited to be working with a few of my distant cousins to figure out who my people are and where I come from. I want to be able to give this gift to my siblings who have lived many of these stories with me, but more so to give it to my children who have not. Every day I look at the picture of my father saluting me from the bookshelf in my bedroom. For some reason it is comforting to see his face and remember him. Through all that is happening in my life, I need only look at each of my children, speak with any of my siblings, and salute my father to remember what is important. Family.

My Dad and My Daughter