It has been a pretty good day, for which I am truly grateful. Today I spent about an hour hanging out near my former place of employment. A little more than a year ago I was laid off from this place in a very angst-filled, traumatic way. To this day I cannot talk about it for a variety of reasons and few people know exactly what unfolded and why it was so difficult. Still it was odd being over there today. I ran into a former coworker in the parking lot. It was nice to see her and hear about how her life has been on the job and in other areas outside of work. I ran into a couple of other people, each of whom greeted me warmly. Fortunately, I didn’t run into any of people I really did not want to see or would have been uncomfortable seeing. While I’m sure I would have managed to be neutral or even pleasant (that Chamblee home training kicks in yet again), I am relieved to have not been put in that position.
Still, the whole thing got me thinking again about forgiveness; I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness over the past few days. What I realize when I am confronted by people who have hurt me–and I experienced a lot of hurt in the first few months of 2011–is that letting go and getting over some of these traumas like losing my job, my relationship, and my home in the space of a few months is a process that occurs over several iterations before it eases up. Being at the old workplace this morning reopened some painful wounds and reminded me that healing often occurs in stages and rarely happens all at once. I am a big believer in forgiveness and forgive as often as I realize that I am still holding onto something. Some offenses require forgiveness over a period of years, while others are covered right away. It’s in my own best interest to let go of the negativity that holding onto unforgiveness imposes on me. Forgiveness is by no means an easy road, so I fully expect to keep on forgiving in the months and years ahead.
Forgiveness, like gratitude, compassion, kindness and so many other attributes, can be cultivated and strengthened with use. While I would that people did not have to suffer hurts that cause them to have to learn and cultivate forgiveness, such hurt is almost inevitable as is the opportunity to forgive that it presents. Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield in his CD “Guided Meditations for Difficult Times” leads a wonderful meditation on forgiveness that guides the listener through process of forgiving others for the pains they may have caused us, forgiving ourselves for ways in which we can hurt ourselves, and equally important, is teaching us how to ask others to forgive us for the pains we’ve caused others. It is a very powerful and moving exercise that touches tender places in the heart opening them up to be healed. I am grateful for the resource and very grateful to be reminded, though such reminders are themselves painful, of the power of forgiveness.
May I forgive those who have hurt me, forgive myself for the times I have failed to be the person I want to be and the ways in which I fall short, and may those whom I have hurt forgive me. Let it be so.
