Got a call from the bank this morning as I was driving to work. It was an unfamiliar number but I thought, “Hmmm, might as well answer it.” I’m glad I did. Now, the bank calls people up for a variety of reasons, and I imagine that some of those conversations go like this, “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, Ms. Chamblee, but we made a mistake and accidentally overcharged you for something or other and are putting $500 back into your account….” More often than not, it is more likely to be less good news, and the miscalculation is usually on my part, not theirs. That was true today. I am grateful that I’d had a good morning up to that point because I was downright jovial on the phone: “Really?? Oh my goodness, that wasn’t supposed to happen! Well, I’m driving right now so I can’t write anything down but I’ll see to this right away and see what I can do about it before close of business today.” Of course, I had no idea what I was going to do about it. Let’s just say that what was wrong wasn’t something I could fix by COB. I called Jared and said, “Guess what?” We talked and strategized for a few moments and determined that we could do something about the matter, but tomorrow morning at the earliest. So I did something pretty remarkable for me: I let it go.
We’ve been through some pretty tough financial times and today’s occurrence represents another speed bump in the orderly flow we’re striving to get into. And yet, I am not freaked out….at all. I’m not rocking back and forth, wringing my hands, tugging on my hair, repeating to myself “What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?” (I was in that particular condition a few weeks ago…) Tonight I plan on going to sleep at my regular (too late) hour and getting up in the morning and attending a meeting with Jared that has been on the calendar for a while. After the meeting we’ll go to the bank and fix what needs to be fixed, then I will take Jared to work. I’m then going to lunch with my friend Roland and will come home and work on some projects. Panic is not on the agenda.
I am grateful to have had a good day today–in spite of the call from the nice young man at the bank this morning. I think I am making progress. I tend to lose track of that because when I hit those blue days it feels like I haven’t grown much from the early rough days right after the series of unfortunate events rocked my life last year. But, giving credit where it is due, I have grown stronger. We can’t really know how strong we are when things are easy and going well; it seems that when things bump into our sense of safety and wellbeing is when we really learn what we are made of. Don’t get me wrong, the challenges I face, while difficult for me still pale in comparison to what others endure on a daily basis. I mean neither to exaggerate nor minimize my own difficulties. I am simply learning where my some of my learning edges are. I have extended the boundaries of my experience and my abilities to handle what comes up. I said the other day that I want to cultivate (continue cultivating) the “four immeasurables,” the “four limitless qualities” of lovingkindness, compassion, joy and equanimity, as well as forgiveness and other attributes. Those things cannot be cultivated without breaking up and preparing the soil of my heart, mind and spirit, which sometimes means enduring the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Nevertheless at the end of the day, I’m still standing. And at the end of this particular day, I’m smiling. Go figure.
(And for entertainment value, remember to go check out the eagles…it rained all day today and mother eagle definitely had a bad hair day…)
© M. T. Chamblee, 2012
