Another day has flown past. One minute I was finishing a phone call at 11:30 this morning, the next it was 4:20 p.m. and before I blinked it was nearly 7 p.m. and I hadn’t even thought about dinner. This is how the time flies without my awareness or permission. Now it is 9 p.m. and I am peering at the computer screen and the balefully blinking cursor trying to compose my mildly addled thoughts enough to compose something coherent for tonight’s entry. Tonight feels like one for simple gratitude–when my focus is not necessarily on conveying deep messages on the subject of gratitude or of being grateful, but more on the simple things in my life for which I am grateful.
Tonight I will gratefully slide under newly laundered sheets. Even though they’re the same old sheets I use week in and week out (hope to get some new ones one of these days), there’s something about clean, fresh sheets that just feels so good to a body. I am looking forward to that. My daughter, who will be away for the next couple of weeks said to me during a phone conversation this evening, “It’s so nice to go into my own space, close the door and sleep by myself.” I can definitely appreciate what she means. She came here to stay with me upon her graduation in May. She’s never lived here; my son and I moved here while she was away on a summer internship. I know she’s felt more like a visitor than like she actually lives here, and when she comes she doesn’t have her own room. So, she spends a lot of time in the living room and then sleeps with me at night. When she has no place else to go, sometimes she goes out and sits in her car, or sits in the half bathroom downstairs where she can close the door and not be disturbed. As for me, even though I have my own space here in the condo, I am sharing it with her and the other day found myself sitting in my car for a few minutes so that I could make a phone call in peace without being overheard.
It’s one of those things I’ve taken for granted in the past–having a space of my own, a room of my own, a whole house of my own. A room I can retreat to and don’t have to share is what some people would consider a luxury. When I was young I didn’t have my own room; I shared a room at first with my three sisters. As my older sisters left for college, eventually it was just me and my younger sister. We were “roommates” until I went away to college and even when I returned home in the summers, we still shared a room. As I think about it, I’ve almost always had roommates and shared spaces. I realized the other day that I have never really lived by myself. I moved from my parents home to college and graduate school where I had roommates all the way through. I got married and lived with my partner for 12 years and by the time we divorced I then lived with my two children. I lived with another partner for 6 years until last May when my son and I were invited to move out. It is quite possible within the next few months that for the first time in my life I will live by myself–well, at least without human company. My dog Honor will be with me. I expect that will be one odd feeling.
I am grateful to have my bed to myself this evening, clean sheets and all. Though I must confess I enjoyed watching my daughter’s face as she slept next to me. It is sweet and relaxed and although she’s not a little girl anymore, her sweet open expression as she sleeps is quite precious. Upon her return to California she’ll be here a week and then she and I take our road trip to Seattle to get her settled in her new apartment as she starts “what’s next” for her. I’m excited to be taking her up there and helping her launch into this new phase of her life. Upon my return I’ll be about to launch into a new phase of my own. And although I don’t know what that looks like at the moment, I’m looking forward to seeing what unfolds. In the meantime, I’ll keep sharing my gratitude with you. I am grateful to you for your attention!
