Lessons in Gratitude Day 366/1

I am grateful for a new day. This morning when I woke (before the alarm as usual) the first words I wrote in my journal were, “Woke this morning–thank you God, lol. I am grateful to be alive, relatively well/able bodied to be able to greet the morning with my writing practice.” (And yes, I sometimes write “lol” in my journal.) I realized that I often begin my journal with “I woke this morning before the alarm,” or “I woke this morning feeling adrenalized and anxious” or something along those lines. I sometimes describe my mental and emotional state upon waking, sometimes with humor, often without it. I haven’t set rules for myself when it comes to writing in my journal. Unlike this blog, it doesn’t have a particular theme, and also unlike this blog I write cranky, sad, depressed, irritable, foul-tempered and mouthed, or any other types of things I want to write. But I find that I am nonetheless somewhat careful about what I write in my journal even though no one but me will read it. As I wrote this morning,

Nevertheless I do watch my words in a sense, and that’s okay. It’s a balance. On the one hand it’s about expressing all that I need to communicate in a “safe” place, where what I say can’t disturb or harm others. On the other is my desire to channel all the “negative” voices in my head, the sometimes mean things I say to myself, into more positive messages that align more with where I want to be and how I want to feel. So far, it’s working for me.

So this morning when I woke up and wrote the words, “woke this morning–thank you God” I had to smile. In those first few moments of wakefulness I recognized with great appreciation that I did indeed wake this morning. With very little effort and no pain, I sat up, swung my fully-functioning legs over to put my feet on the floor, padded across the carpet next door to the bathroom, where let’s just say all systems were functioning properly, padded back to my room, climbed back into bed propped up on my study pillow with journal, pen and lapdesk to write. In the span of about 10 minutes I encountered a minimum of a half dozen things to be grateful for, and I realized it the moment I wrote, “Woke this morning…” I have no idea what I was going to write, but I stopped after those three words and realized what a blessing it is simply to wake in the morning with a fresh set of hours ahead of me to do with what I pleased. And I was so very grateful.

I went on to write some pretty deep things this morning, exposing some previously unexamined ideas I’d harboring toward myself that were less than helpful. Journal time this morning provided my with some very interesting clues about things I need to work on in my life.  The process of writing in the morning, which I began doing back in early February, and blogging in the evenings is moving me toward the kind of clarity I’ve been asking the Universe for. And though I’m far from knowing the answers to the questions I have about “what’s next,” I’m learning to live the questions, as Rilke says. So I’ll keep up the writing, keep asking the questions, keep seeking clarity, keep on keeping on and of course continue to deepen my practice of gratitude.