I was thinking this morning about the environment in one of the places where I worked—I have described it at times as toxic. And for me, it was toxic for much of the time I was there. But I am coming to the realization that while the particular alchemy of people, circumstances and structures combined to create what was for me a harmful combination—damaging to mind, spirit and ultimately body—there were (and are) nonetheless some very good people in that place. It was these people who made everything else bearable and with whom I remain in contact now that I am no longer there. Some of them have become good friends whom I value for their kindness, thoughtfulness, humor and wisdom—they are wonderful human beings.
As I think about what’s next for me in terms of work that generates the income I need to live, I’ve been thinking about the environment I want to work in—what is the combination of people, circumstances and structures that would allow me to thrive in my work, to allow the best of my talents and experience to contribute effectively to the purpose and mission of the organization? I’ve written that question and several initial answers in my “what’s next” journal. Much of what I’ve been reading and thinking about as I consider “what’s next” involves envisioning as clearly as I can what I want in terms of the work I want to do and in fact the life I want to lead during this next time. The clearer I can be in determining what I want, the more I will know what my actions and activities are leading me toward and the more the Universe, God, etc can align with that vision.
Thoreau said, “I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Or the more popular version, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” So for me I am and have been clarifying my “dreams” over the past while so that I have a direction in which to “advance confidently.” I am also exploring and identifying my gifts and talents—what are those things that I am good at either because of innate ability or through study and honing or through a combination of the two? What are the skills and abilities I most want to use as I determine “what’s next” and how do those align with my wants and dreams?
In addition to all of that I am pondering when are the times when I feel most powerfully alive—with energy or love or connection or passion or calmness or peace coursing through me. There’s an almost indefinable quality to what I am talking about—trying to put it into words on paper or computer doesn’t adequately capture it. It happens sometimes when I am playing my guitar and singing for people (sometimes it happens when I’m singing for myself). Sometimes it happens quietly when I’m walking on a lovely sunny day enjoying the beauty around me. Whatever that is, however it happens, I believe that with intention and practice we can access that aliveness. It’s not some magic thing that we conjure up or some euphoric trance we put ourselves into. I believe it’s the spirit that we each carry inside of us that often gets covered over or buried by the various circumstances and experiences of life. As I continue moving forward during this time in my life, I want to be more conscious of allowing that spirit to move more freely in and through me.
This time in my life, with all it’s challenges and victories and struggles and lightness and falling down and getting up is all part of me becoming more of who I really am and doing what I am meant to be doing for this next while. Thank you for walking with me and allowing me to walk with you on this journey.
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