It has been a good day. If you were waiting for guttural noises from me tonight, I’m not going to make them–at least not in the blog. This morning I received an email from one of my brothers informing me that he had “reached in and snatched the wires out of Mephisto [the mechanical bull] so he will be still for a while.” That must have accounted for the significantly calmer day that I had from start to finish. It was a good day, but I am bone tired. Still, it’s all good. I have miles to go before I sleep tonight–a lot of figuring and planning to get done. But first I’ll spend a little while contemplating the things for which I am grateful.
I have often said that even on my worst, most difficult, depressed, challenging days I can always find something to be grateful for; everywhere I look I can find something that enriches or blesses my life in some way (including the fact that I can look, physically look around with eyes that see at the multiple blessings around me.) On days that are neutral or pretty good, I can easily find many things I am grateful for. And, on really, really good days I don’t even have to look, the blessings are literally everywhere I look. It has a lot to do with perspective, of course. When I am in a really good emotional space I don’t even have to look, to think. I am simply grateful for virtually everything that crosses my path. This is not fake or artificial; I am genuinely grateful for or touched by life around me and I see beauty in all kinds of things. On the really hard days, and I’ve had more than a few of those in my lifetime, it takes much more effort to look and find them and to feel truly grateful, but it’s possible and quite doable. I’ve spent the many of the last 400+ days doing it. The task is to take the time to do it.
This evening I am grateful for my siblings. I have five of the most wonderful brothers and sisters; each unique in her or his own way, they each bring their own special gifts to my life and to our collective life as a family. This has become particularly true over the past few years. This is not to say that everyone falls over one another gushing with great outpourings of love and affection; like any family some members are closer to one another than others. This has always been true. But by and large, when the going gets tough for one or more of us, the rest of us show up. This has never been clearer to me than it has been over the past 18 months when my siblings have stepped up in countless ways to provide a web of support beneath me and my children when I lost my job and suffered my “series of unfortunate events.” As I stand on the brink of my “what’s next,” I know that I am standing strong with my heart and mind still in one piece only because of the love and support of my family–my siblings and my children.
I am deeply grateful to have strong emotional connections to each of my siblings. I have been buoyed not only by their love, but also their friendship. It is really a gift when you really like and enjoy close connections with your kin folks. I find myself wishing that I were more deeply connected to my nieces and nephews. I managed to get to know some of them more than others, because I either lived close by or participated in their rearing in some small ways. Still, they’ve grown up into interesting human beings that I think I want to spend time getting to know them a bit more as the adults they’ve become. Right now I have somewhat a reputation among them, which I don’t mind in the least. I think it’s something akin to “crazy Aunt Terry,” but the shoe fits, so I might as well wear it with pride.
In a few weeks I’ll be living in the same geographic region as all three of my sisters for the first time in over 30 years. In 1979 I spent my last summer at home with my younger sister before she headed off to college and I to graduate school. My two older sisters had long since moved away from home for college and to start careers and families. It’s going to be interesting and I believe delightful to acquaint myself more closely with their lives, to hang out at their homes and to participate in what my sister Sandy used to euphemistically call “bonding projects” (which usually involved manual labor, largely on my part) working on some element in her house or yard. I can hardly wait.
I am grateful beyond measure to have such wonderful people in my life–I probably didn’t always think they were wonderful, but I sure do now! I wish everyone could have such connections. If you’re fortunate enough to have siblings and really blessed to still have one or both parents still with you, hug them hard and love them up and recognize them for the gifts they are. I know I’m planning on it.
