It has been a long week. I am grateful that it is over. After many times in Mephisto’s saddle I am bruised, worn out, and suffering from emotional whiplash. But…I am still here and still grateful and pushing on. I have a lot to do and not a whole lot of time. There’s a lot I want to say, some pretty big things that I’m grateful for this evening, but I don’t quite have the energy to describe them in the manner that they deserve. So I will defer. I am likely to be pretty tired over the next couple of weeks, but will be here every evening, god and the wifi willing, sharing a few thoughts about gratitude.
Today was my last day of work at my contract job, where I’ve worked since February. Working at this organization was a godsend in many ways. Much of the time I worked there I’ve felt like I didn’t understand the language of the industry and was at a loss in trying to do some of what I was being asked to do. What I can say is that, while I didn’t always really comprehend what I was doing, I could nonetheless figure out how to organize the work and do what needed to be done. My role actually was to support one of the project managers in various ways to free her up to do the work that required someone with the expertise to do the complicated stuff. I threw myself into my tasks with the intention of doing whatever I knew or could figure out how to do to the best of my ability. I did “menial” things like make copies, scan documents, put together application binders, send emails and make phone calls. It could have been humiliating, but instead it was humbling.
It would be easy for a Ph.D. holder to believe that some work is beneath them–certainly administrative support could be considered such, right? At the height of my work life I had a support person working for me, making copies for me, making phone calls for me. But no, doing this work has not humiliating for me and my PhD self–humbling to work in a place where I was so out of my element that I felt like an undergraduate in my knowledge of this particular field of endeavor. But rather than remain stuck in my ignorance, I threw myself into trying to understand enough of what the organization wanted me to do so I could do a good job without screwing anything up and perhaps doing some good.
Today as I took my leave from my colleagues (they took me out to lunch), I allowed myself to take in the praise that the boss has lavished on me for some time but I’d previously rejected. “Because of you,” he said, ” several hundred senior citizens will have safe, affordable homes to live in.” Sometimes in the process of putting together binders, uploading documents to the internet, emailing lawyers and lending institutions, making copies, etc. it’s easy to forget the bigger picture, the why that motivates the what of the work you’re doing. It was good to hear that the tens of thousands of pages I copied and inserted into application binders translates into creating safe, comfortable spaces for elders.
I’m rambling–a sign of my tiredness. I will close by once again expressing gratitude for the contract work I did with the organization for seven months. Of course I was grateful for the work, which paid more than my unemployment benefits; but beyond the financial element, it also gave me the opportunity to work, to use my mind in thoughtful, creative ways that I wasn’t during the hours I spent job hunting and collecting unemployment. It helped me feel useful, to get out of the house (and out of my beat up blue jeans), and go do good work. And being able to help people in the process is all good. I am grateful.
