How long can one write a daily blog about gratitude? I’m not sure. I was thinking about it this evening, momentarily projecting into the future and wondering if or when I will stop writing this blog. I have no doubt that I’ll have days when I don’t feel like it, or when I’m sick or traveling or otherwise physically unable to log in and write. Nevertheless, one answer is indefinitely. One could write a daily blog about gratitude for as far into the future as one is grateful, I suppose. And if I make it my business to spend time each day pondering those things for which I am grateful, considering those blessings that rouse in me a spirit of thankfulness and appreciation, then daily sharing with the world on the subject is only limited by my lack of energy or ability to find words to express the feeling. That happens periodically. Tonight I am suffering a little of both, but am glad to be sitting thinking on the matter.
I am grateful for simple things today. I had good phone conversations with two family members and two friends. Some of it was about information gathering, but a lot of it was them checking in with me to see how things are progressing toward the big move. I called my younger sister twice this morning with a variety of “so what do you think?” kinds of questions. She has patiently tolerated my occasional whining, frequent confusion and attention deficit/forgetfulness, and the period inane question. She has taken charge of the find-a-place-for-Terry-to-live committee (currently a committee of 1.5 members–and the .5 changes) and has been invaluable in helping me think through various living options. She is so organized, thoughtful, thorough, and capable it makes me wonder how we’re related and how on earth we have the same Myers-Briggs personality type. I guess there are always aberrations; which I seem to be more often than not.
I am grateful for what I managed to accomplish today. Sooner or later I really am going to run out of things to pack and everything will be ready. I am hoping for that day to be tomorrow or Wednesday, though things don’t seem to work out like that very often. I’d like to go into moving day somewhat relaxed without running ahead of the movers to pack things, like happened the last two times I’ve moved. I want to be completely finished which, if I press myself really hard tomorrow, I could accomplish. As always, it’ll require getting up and getting started early and pushing myself physically and mentally all day. That has been increasingly difficult as I burn the candle at both ends and the middle trying to take care of myriad details–not just the physical packing, but a jumble of phone calls to utilities, changing addresses with various business, and dozens of other things to keep track of.
Today I woke around 5:15 or so and lay there trying to quiet my already riotously noisy mind so I could get a few more minutes of sleep, but as usual it was to no avail. During periods when my stress level has been high, I frequently wake like this, heart and limbs on fire with adrenaline and my brain whirring like an out of control turntable. Most people younger than about 35 would not remember record players. Back in the olden days records had three different speeds: 33, 45, and 78. For fun sometimes we’d play a 33-1/2 long playing record on the 78 rpm setting. The result was a song playing outrageously fast with the vocalists sounding like Alvin and the chipmunks or someone who has inhaled helium. My mind has been like that most mornings for the past few weeks flying–around at 78 rpm and it keeps playing the same record over and over even though the record player has been unplugged.
What I am looking forward to is turning the speed at least back to 45 where I can still recognize the vocalists as human and can make out the words to the song. As much as I’d like to create some real quiet space for myself, I am aware that it will be difficult to do with so much still to do. Nevertheless, I will try to cultivate the practice of one moment meditation or take a one minute vacation. We’ll see how it goes. For tonight I am going to sleep early. Going to bed after 11:00 or so and waking at 5:15 is not humorous and sooner or later will take a toll. I am grateful for the day I had and will rise in the morning and get on with what’s left in front of me and will likewise be grateful for that. And so it is and so it continues…
