It’s 10:02 p.m. here on the West coast and I have no idea what I am going to write about. It has been another action packed, nonstop kind of work day, except I stopped more than I care to admit. I am tired, sore, and more than a little distracted as I look around at what I still have left to do. This is it: my last week in California. And if it’s anything like the last several weeks, it’ll be over before I know it. I am grateful to have hung in there today–it was tough going. At one point I was walking around the muttering to myself, wondering what to work on and surrounded by things that needed to be done. I had to keep talking to myself, giving myself pep talks and forcing myself to get up when everything in me wanted to say put and not move. It pretty much worked, too.
All day I pushed and cajoled and harangued myself to keep moving, keep working, do something, do anything. And, slowly I got things done. This evening I came to the startling realization that I officially have too many empty boxes; that is, I think I’ve got just about everything that needs to be packed in boxes or partially in boxes such that I know that the number of empty boxes I have outpaces what I have to put in them. This is a good thing, particularly since I already have too many full boxes. Where did I get all this stuff from? So tonight I am in the home stretch of getting things ready to go. A lot of big things still need to happen this week, beginning tomorrow when the moving guy comes to tell me how much it’s going to cost to haul my stuff from here to the greater Washington DC metropolitan area. Depending on what he tells me, I’ll then have to decide if I can afford to bring all my stuff east or if I have to leave some of it in storage here until I can afford to send for it. I am majorly keeping my fingers crossed so I can move it all.
This moving across the country thing is quite dramatic. I moved 2300 miles across the country when I moved here from Michigan seven years ago and now am headed 2,800 miles back, zipping past the midwest to the mid-Atlantic region of the country. Sometime when I have a little more time I’ll write about the odyssey that is bringing me to my new destination, but that is not this night. Tonight I will simply offer gratitude at having made some forward movement in the work I was able to do today.
I mentioned last night that I thought I might write about my father on this the second anniversary of his passing. But although Dad was very much present with me today–I had moments of sadness as well as moments of sweet reminiscences–this anniversary didn’t figure prominently in how my day today unfolded. My suspicion is that I’m simply too busy to attend to the feelings that are likely bubbling just under the surface. I wrote a bit about that the other night. I’ve no doubt that once things quiet down and I get myself moved, some of the emotions I’ve been ignoring for much of this time will find their way to the forefront of my consciousness. Until then, however, I plan to remain blissfully detached for as long as I can.
Gratitude is no doubt part of the magical formula that is helping me keep it together in the face of significant stresses in my current life. It is a relief to focus on something positive and steady in the midst of the chaos of my life at the moment. Being grateful keeps me firmly anchored in the beauty that’s possible in every moment; I can find it when I am intentional in my seeking it. If it’s possible to be grateful for gratitude, then I am. And I’ll count on it for getting me through the next several days when I know my energy and mood will be taxed. I’ll be back here, god willing, to share my new insights (or rediscover previous ones) on navigating life’s challenges with an open heart. See you tomorrow.
