This is one of those nights when I’ve started this blog four different times, each time erasing what I had started to say. I am grateful for what this blog has been for me over these months, the opportunity it has provided for me to focus on the blessings in my life. That was particularly valuable during those periods of my life when I was struggling mightily with sadness, depression, grief, and loss. Gratitude has been an anchor for me that kept me grounded in the present moment, and focused on finding the good even in the midst of struggle. It continues to be a regular part of my day, every day throughout the day I choose to see the good, the beauty that’s around me.
I have become aware recently that I have become so busy that I am going through the motions of life rather than living it. It’s kind of like gobbling down your food without taking time to taste it. I realize that I am in a period of transition–I’m still getting used to things like the commute (tonight it felt reaaaallllyyyy lonnnnnnggggg), the nonstop meetings at work, figuring out what to fix myself for dinner once I get home, attending to the dog, etc. I am looking forward to settling into a rhythm in which I’m making time to do something fun for me and my four-legged friend. I want to get out my jigsaw puzzles and start putting them together, or getting out my crafting tools and start fiddling with various projects. I want to find a nice nature trail to take Honor walking like I promised her (fortunately she hasn’t started nagging me about my promises.) To date when I get home from work after I attend to Honor’s needs and fix and eat my dinner, I conk out on the sofa half dozing, watch a little TV while I eat before retiring to my room to write my blog then go to bed. Then I get up in the morning and start it all again. This is no different than what millions of other people across the country and around the world do. And that’s fine. I also want to make sure that I am taking a little time to do something for myself. I’m not sure what that looks like just yet, but I’m going to put some energy toward it and see where it goes.
I am grateful for many things in my life, even if tonight I can’t quite articulate well what they all are. One could suggest that after 476 days of blogs I’ve written about everything there is for me to be grateful for; but I don’t think I’ve reached the end of my gratitude days, just running into tiredness and writer’s block that prevents me from saying what I want to say. I will never cease to be grateful, but I may falter in my ability to express it. Nevertheless, it continues to be important for me to persist in focusing on gratitude and expressing it in some small way each day. My hope is that in so doing I not only strengthen my own capacity to be thankful, but perhaps inspire even one person each day to do the same. If I accomplish that, then I am satisfied and doubly grateful.
