Six years ago this week I moved out to California from Michigan. It was the start of a big adventure and I had no idea what would happen. Things didn’t turn out at all like I’d expected, and in some ways that has been hard. But, as I wrote about recently, it all is part of the path I’m meant to walk at this time in my life. There are definitely aspects to it that I would have scripted differently, but here I am nonetheless. And while I have no solid clue about what’s next and where, I am content to remain here.
Tonight I am grateful once again for friends reaching out to me. This time it was my friend Wendy with whom I hadn’t spoken in several months. It was really good to catch up with her and also share with her what I’ve been up to. I am realizing that there’s a kind of karmic cause and effect at play. Over these months as I’ve made concerted efforts to reach out to people, people reach out to me. Sometimes it’s the same people, sometimes it isn’t. I have connected with friends, old and new, as well as with people I hadn’t met before. As I’ve reached out to person A and “out of the blue” person B, whom I hadn’t spoken to in months suddenly calls me. It’s been magical.
Moving forward, gaining momentum…I have no idea still how some of this is going to work out, but I keep moving, keep making steps, keep taking actions. When I look back over the past couple of months I notice that every two weeks, give or take a few days on either side, I add some new element to my life. For example, it was a couple of weeks ago that I started my treks around Cesar Chavez park. I go regularly now, even when I don’t quite feel like it–which was the case today. I’m due to add something new and expect to do that in the next day or two. I’m still pondering what it is and am exploring a few possibilities. Whatever it is, I’ll let it come rather than force something. So far, this whole process has been emerging somewhat organically. I see no reason to start trying to manufacture something now.
The task for me now is to continue to exercise patience even in the midst of uncertainty. This reminds me of a Ranier Maria Rilke quote,
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
I am living the questions. I am learning to be with what is unresolved and be alright with that. Moment by moment, day by day I am journeying along as patiently and openhearted as I can. Sometimes I am more successful than others but it is something to work toward. Six years ago I set out on this particular path, having taken a leap of faith. And while I am living the questions, waiting for the unfolding, I’ll continue the journey grateful for the companions who join me along the way.
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