Well I’ve gone and done it again. In spite of all my good intentions for getting things done early so I could get to sleep at a decent time I find myself starting to write later than I wanted to. Often that means posting it later, which ultimately means going to sleep late, which means waking up tired for my first day back to work in two weeks. Ugh!
I am laughing at myself for this brief tumble down into “catastrophic thinking,” that sort of cascade effect that happens when you think of one bad thing leading the the next bad thing until it bottoms out with something really negative happening. The amazing thing is that the entire thing happens in your mind and before you know it, panic and worry sets in making it even harder to go to sleep making you even tireder when you get up. A self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m grateful to have discovered that I have learned to arrest the thoughts as they start their downward spiral. It has not been and still is not easy to do this; old habits are hard to break, but with persistence, grit and determination it’s possible.
Today I had to talk to myself a number of times. As I continue to face challenges that could disrupt my sense of wellbeing, I can feel the occasional wave of panic start to build. “It’s okay,” I say aloud to myself, as if I were reassuring a young child, “Everything is going to be alright. All shall be well.” The ability to calm and soothe myself is one of the many skills I discovered and developed as I struggled my way through much of 2012. Regular readers of this blog will remember my oft-repeated quote from Julian of Norwich, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” Given that all manner of thing(s) seemed to be creating challenges for at any given time, reminding myself that somehow everything was going to be alright was vitally important. Focusing my energy and attention on the good, even in the midst of the drama and traumas, was largely what allowed me to persevere. And although I am not quite yet on easy street, I am much farther along and grateful that the pressures I was under have eased.
In the coming months I am intending to be much more proactive in not simply arresting negativity when it appears, but to proactively cultivate positivity. I plan on participating in activities with other people that will help me bring more peace, joy, and wellbeing into my life. Engaging with others is important for me because I know I can tend to get too solitary. It also creates a community of accountability–not pressure necessarily, but when you do something with a “buddy” or in a group, it’s easier than trying to do it by yourself. I am looking forward to reengaging with a meditation group soon and am hoping to convince my sister(s) to join me in a variety of activities.
I am grateful for all the new energy that comes at the beginning of the year. I don’t plan on making a bunch of overly ambitious intentions for the coming year, but I do plan to take many smaller steps rather than one or two humongous ones. I’m still working on my plan for 2013, and am not creating undue stress or pressure about when the plan will be “finished.” Like the author, the plan is a work in progress and is likely to be a living, breathing document that expands and contracts as circumstances change. Always, allowing for the unfolding that inevitably happens, I am grateful.
