Did you ever have the feeling that you are on the verge of something but you don’t know what it is? It’s that sense of anticipation that something is brewing, building toward something but your totally in the dark about what it is. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in this space over the last year, feeling a sense of something just on the edge of my peripheral vision that I can’t quite see. At least I have the sense that whatever it is is good; there’s a positive or at least a neutral feel to this, rather than a sense of impending doom. I think there’s an element of the new year involved here: about setting intentions and thinking about plans and big ideas. I got out some of my big picture stuff that I created for myself a a few years ago. I want to see if my thinking has changed, what things I have accomplished, and what I need to adjust for my new circumstances.
Two years ago I was living in a nice home in California, was in the seventh year of a relationship, had an okay job situation. There were things slightly up in the air for me back then, and I wasn’t exceptionally happy (I see this as I look back on it), but things were relatively stable. Then things started to unravel rather quickly and my little planet got knocked into a different orbit. There’s that old saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Well as I am definitely not dead, I suppose I must be stronger, or perhaps I’m just a tough old buzzard and going out that way wasn’t in the cards for me. Still, I’m grateful to be alive and relatively sane all things considered.
I am grateful for this journey that I’m on, and while there are a few things I wish were different at the moment, by and large I am quite fortunate, and I know it. I am grateful for the many, varied, wonderful people in my life–dear family, friends old and relatively new–and the opportunities I’ll have to meet new people as I get more settled into this new area. I am grateful that a few tiny seeds I planted a year ago are just starting to sprout and bear potential fruit, and I have a number of projects on my creative drawing board that I hope to breathe life into in the days, weeks, and months ahead. I will perhaps be making some changes to Lessons in Gratitude over time; I’m not sure yet what exactly what those might look like; it is another one of those things that is on the verge of something new that I’m not quite sure how it’s going to unfold yet. But if there’s one thing I learned from the uncertainties of 2012 it’s to relax as best I can, be in the moment, go with the flow and see what unfolds. Chances are good that what I allow to emerge naturally will be a whole lot better than something I force.
So as usual, I am grateful for the unfolding. Life is going to bring what it will, and I believe I will be nimble enough to roll with whatever it brings. I am grateful to be along for the ride. The educator and horticulturist Liberty Hyde Bailey said, “It is a marvelous planet on which we ride. It is a great privilege to live thereon, to partake in the journey, and to experience its goodness. ” Marvelous indeed, and I for one am grateful for the privilege of partaking in this journey and experiencing all the goodness that’s available to me. May it continue to be so!
