Tonight is a tough writing night. The blinking cursor of death is mocking my attempts to write something coherent. I find myself switching back and forth between tabs in the browser, bouncing from Facebook to solitaire to checking my bank balance. Anything but sitting here writing about gratitude. The trouble is I have standards and tend toward perfectionism. For a long time that perfectionism kept me from writing anything because I either edited it to death or I could never finish because I had to keep tweaking it as I went along. The perfectionist tendencies have eased but not gone away completely so on nights like this I struggle to bring thoughts together in a form I can share. We shall see where this goes tonight.
I have been thinking a bit about self care: how for so many of us we put other people and things ahead of ourselves and our wellbeing. Too often we are the last person on our to-do-list. This was true for me, particularly when I was a single mom raising my two kids while working full time. Add to that the stressful nature of the work I do and you have a recipe for burnout and other maladies and afflictions. So, self care becomes increasingly important. I intend to start practicing in the days ahead as best I can. Part of that self care involves going to bed at a decent hour and getting my rest. I’ve already fallen asleep at the keyboard several times since I started writing today’s blog. It’s a good night to offer a few items of simple gratitude then head off to slumberland.
I am grateful to be working. The work that I do on issues of diversity, racial equity, access to higher education, and a variety or related themes is difficult work. There’s a significant measure of resistance on the part of many people to confront their biases and privileges and the historical and structural inequality that is built into many of our systems and structures in this country. Working against such opposition often leads to exhaustion and burnout if one isn’t careful. What does self care look like for someone who does work like this? How does one replenish their energy on a regular basis so they can continue to do the work with strength and resilience. Good question, and once I have it figured out, I’ll be sure to report back.
I am grateful as always for the basics–food, heat, electricity, hot water. These are things that on really cold days like today I give thanks for while also remembering in my thoughts and prayers those people who have no safe, warm place to rest.
I am grateful for traveling mercies as usual. My commute can be long and annoying, but I manage to make it safely to work and back without too much drama. It is like a dance I do with hundreds of other vehicles I share the highway with. I thank whatever gods my be for watching over me every time I get behind the wheel of my vehicle, particularly on the long drive to work.
And of course I am grateful for my family and friends spread out far and wide in a beautiful net of loving support. Tonight I received an unexpected text message from my stepbrother telling me how much he’d found himself missing my dad. It was a sweet, poignant note from a brother who though not related by blood still shares the connection and love of family. That’s a very good thing.
I will gratefully close now and take my rest. It’s been a long week and tomorrow will be a long day. I’ll be back here tomorrow though, sharing with you the lessons I’m learning as I continue to navigate life with a grateful heart.
