It has been a long, long weekend after a long, long week. I was out yesterday for about six hours at work and today I was out for just as long; and though today’s outing was mostly pleasure, it still made for another five or six hours out of the house. At least part of it included about 90 minutes commuting around the greater DC metro area. I am tired, but it is a good sort of tired. I am grateful to have a few hundred days worth of good blogs written that I can draw upon on those evenings when I am too tired to write any coherent original material. Tonight I spun the wheel of random numbers twice. The first blog was okay, but the one I ultimately selected spoke to me and I found myself appreciating the words and the message of it: You are not alone. (LIG 113, October 20, 2011)
You are not in this alone. Whatever your this is, I can tell you from my recent lived experience that whatever you’re going through know that you’re not in it by yourself. Somehow I felt compelled to start with this. I’m not trying to be all deep and mystical, religious, spiritual or whatever; it’s just what I believe to be true. During the times in my life when I felt most alone, when I asked aloud to God (or anyone else “up there”who might have been listening) for help, help came that totally shifted me out of where I was. Often it was not in the form of a person–words in a book, a song with just the lyrics I needed to hear, or yes a kind word or act from a friend or even a stranger. When I paid attention and looked for it, it was there. And that is an important part of the process: to pay attention and look for whatever chooses to show up. Sometimes the “help” is obvious–you reach out to someone and they reach back offering support and assistance. Other times something it could be something more obscure. I might be looking for something to come one way and if I’m not paying attention, I’ll totally miss something coming from a totally different direction or in a different form than I’m expecting.
I am learning that I am not alone. First of all, I have myself–the spark of life, of divinity, of Spirit that dwells inside of me is sometimes all I need to tap into to remind me that I am part of something bigger than myself. Sometimes when grief or sadness or depression or anger has obscured that spark, I might reach out to another living being for assistance and support or for comfort. A friend recently reminded me that when Jared is away from home, I’m not alone–I have a four-legged canine friend who is more than happy to entertain, distract, or comfort me. Many times throughout my life when I’ve been lonely I’ve relied on the unconditional love and acceptance from my dog to lift me out of sadness.
I never used to be a great one for asking for help; I always figured that whatever the issue was I could tough it out, figure it out by myself, take care of it for myself, etc. I’m pretty much over that. I have gotten much better about reaching out to others, about asking questions when I’m not sure about something, about asking for what I need. I have learned that when I’m feeling sad or down I need to connect with other people. It doesn’t necessarily mean calling someone up and crying about what’s happening in my life. It could mean going out and being among people, anything that gets me out of isolation (holed up in my house) and into the land of the living. I am grateful that I’ve been able to overcome my shy personality enough to join the meditation group and go to occasional weekend workshops, to work at the food pantry, to participate in the cleanse class. Coming out of myself wasn’t easy to do at first, but the more I can nudge myself out of my comfort zone, the more comfortable I become reaching out and interacting with people. And the more comfortable I become with that the more I recognize that I am not in this alone.
I am reaching out through this blog each day. I write for me and I write for you. We are connected. You are not alone and neither am I.
I am grateful to be connected to people all around me who will hold onto me and not let me fall; who will reach out to me and let me know I am not alone. And for someone who lives by herself, that is a very comforting thought. We might not always know who is “out there” for us, but when we truly reach out, even if it’s only in prayer, an answer finds its way to us. That has been my experience and I am grateful for it. May it always be so.
