I Am Born. Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show. From David Copperfield, by Charles Dickens.
I am born. Or rather I was born 56 years ago today. I am grateful to be alive and to have celebrated another birthday. Of course I was aware when I woke this morning that it was my birthday. “Happy birthday to me!” I declared before I was even fully awake, throwing out my arms into the cold air in my bedroom as if preparing to embrace the day.
This morning as I wrote in my journal I found myself thinking and writing about my mother in relation to my birthday. I was born a year and a month after my mother’s mother had been tragically killed in an automobile-train collision. My grandmother was only 46 when she died and my mother was devastated. I used to say that I was a little angel that came along and helped my mother heal from her grief, but in retrospect I believe she was grieving while she carried me and long after I was born. Who wouldn’t still be grieving to have one’s mother suddenly snatched away in the prime of her life? In some ways I believe that I was touched by her grief, even before I came into the world, and was affected by it, perhaps not in visible, macro ways, but affected nonetheless. I am grateful for the awareness I have of that particular connection to her; it’s poignant and perhaps a bit bittersweet, but it is indelibly marked on my psyche.
Today has been a good day. I had birthday texts, calls, ecards, print cards, and more Facebook messages than I’ve been able to read yet. I ended the day by having a nice dinner with two of my sisters and one brother-in-law. We ate and talked and laughed about all kinds of things. I am grateful for the way the day unfolded and happy to have been able to once again celebrate it with family. At the end of a good, long day, having conked out at my keyboard until midnight, I am going to sign off. I had hoped to write a few more profound birthday insights but simply haven’t the energy. Perhaps I’ll be more eloquent tomorrow. For now, I am simply grateful for this day and for this anniversary of my birth.
