Lessons in Gratitude Day 658

Greetings everyone,

This is Michal Jones! I am  honored to be blogging for my mother tonight.

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Today, I chose vulnerability.

It has been a week for me. There’s nothing external that has been particularly challenging or different about this week as opposed to the previous weeks – just that I am exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. Life as a graduate student and housing paraprofessional is taxing!

Coming from the semester system directly to the quarter system has been a rougher adjustment than I initially anticipated. As many of my friends share about how they are completing their first years in graduate school, I still have (what feels like) an exhausting six weeks to go. There has been something else, too – the return of what my dad called my “old acquaintances, depression and anxiety”. So, as I said, it has been a week. But I am getting through it.

At the end of this day, I am grateful for my relationship with the divine – one I am still in exploration of, but that keeps me going during difficult times. This morning, as I struggled with nausea and a deep resistance to starting my day, I took a deep breath and asked “God” for guidance and clarity. The gentle voice back said, “You are going to be just fine, my child.” And I believe that.

At the end of this day, I am extremely grateful for the amazing and supportive conversations that I have with those around me: My girlfriend has delicately held me and my issues in her hand without judgment and with gentleness that I admire. I began my day with a breakfast date (turned counseling session!) with a friend who I don’t get to see very often. I found her presence and advice extremely comforting. I later talked to (cried to) both of my parents on the phone, sharing how much I missed and needed them and loved them. I was reminded that, though they are not physically with me, their lessons hold so much truth and importance to my continuing adulthood. My supervisor and colleagues have been affirming sources of support as well.

The most important piece for me to take away from today is that not one of the individuals I was vulnerable with cast judgment about where I am, how I have been feeling, and how it has been apparent in many of my multiple roles. I often have so much hesitation around sharing with others how I feel (because of the stigmas around mental health and wellness) that I am consumed by my own thoughts. But today, when I chose vulnerability, I was re-awakened to the fact that I am everything but alone. And, as echoed in me this morning and that I know to be true, “I am going to be just fine.”