Another week has come and gone. It has been an odd week and at the end of it I find myself emotionally drained. It’s been a long time since I rode Mephistopheles the mechanical bull, and I didn’t ride today–but my emotions have been whipped around quite a bit this week and for a moment I was returned to the good old days when being emotionally flung up and down, side to side was a fairly regular occurrence. Things may get a little bumpy from time to time, but one thing I’ve learned over the past few years is that I’m more than capable of handling the bumps.
Today I sat in a room with a group of people who were willing to take on some emotionally challenging issues that had been building internally for quite some time. People both wanted to talk and at the same time wanted to avoid talking, and finally things broke open. People raised their voices at one another, argued, cried, were silent, reflected, opened up, shut down, and opened back up. It was a Mephisto ride kind of day. At the end of it all we perhaps got to a different place; the issues and emotions raised were by no means resolved and soothed, but people were willing to take on the conversation in spite of the risks and for that they are to be commended.
For my part, I tried to provide a space for the conversations to happen in relative safety, even though I wasn’t sure how things were going to go and at the end could not have predicted the outcome. As is the case with any delicate procedure, one has to keep a careful eye on the wounds to watch for signs of infection. I’ll be checking in with folks to see how they’re doing after the wild ride we all experienced. It’s a good thing we’re going into the weekend–and a long one at that–so we have time to breathe and recuperate from what was a challenging and yet hopeful situation.
When things continue to brew under the surface, a potentially toxic and unhealthy environment builds up and begins to affect everything around it. Simply put, sometimes difficult, even ugly things have to be allowed to surface–to be exposed to the air, as it were–before they can begin to clear and heal. That is what happened today as long-held misunderstandings and misperceptions were raised and hurt feelings aired. I sat in the midst of it, as uncomfortable as everyone else and yet deeply invested in providing the space for the possibility of healing to manifest. At the end of the day I wanted to weep with my own emotion and exhaustion, yet did not and could not. Nevertheless all is as it should be.
I am grateful for people who are courageous enough to tackle their issues and confront one another. I am not sure I am that courageous myself, but I hope I can find it when I need it. Life has what it takes sometimes to wear you down, but it also provides opportunities for healing and building up others and in so doing heal and build up our own wounded spirits. I am hopeful that the delicate work we did today strengthens and that the old scar tissue that was removed today begins to knit together into a more clean, cohesive whole. May we all be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May we know peace and happiness. May we be safe and protected from harm–internal and external. May we be healthy and strong in body, mind, and spirit. May we live with joy, ease and wellbeing. May it be so for those who gathered today and for all beings.
